What's in Your Mind?
by buckysamcap
Summary: Will eventually become a slow burn Bucky x Reader fic. You're hired as a psychologist at the Avengers compound, whilst you're there, you'll explore the Avengers troubles, friendship and the extent to your own powers. This is also me lowkey pretending IW didn't happen and Thor got everyone of Asgard to Earth safely.
1. Chapter 1

Making yourself comfortable in an interrogation room was not easy for the average human being, which is probably why Tony and Natasha had decided to conduct the interviews for a new psychologist in this manner, after all, if they weren't comfortable with Natasha Romanoff playing bad cop, then they probably wouldn't fare well with the possibility of The Hulk coming out to play every once in a while. Luckily, you're not an average human being.

You don't mind the wait; you could feel the history of the objects in the room, who had sat in this seat before you, two years before you, before Tony even owned the chair, which was surprising because a man like Tony Stark looks like he would have purchased custom made everything. All you had to do was reach out and feel what these objects were saying to you; you didn't like using your powers, especially since most of the time it was very invasive and it was so easy to get carried away once you started, but as you sat in this chair, without any other way to pass the time, you figure some harmless psychometry on a chair won't hurt anyone. After all, it was, in your opinion, one of the most interesting powers you had.

So as you reach down to firmly grasp the chair, you feel the history and its journey pass through you and into your mind as the sensations start to form into memories, placing themselves on a neat timeline for you to scroll through. You reach for one that wasn't painful, no torture techniques, not even an interrogation, it was too early in the morning to openly put yourself through such agony. But once you chose the memory, oh how you wished you hadn't.

Turns out that in the infamous Tony Starks early years he most definitely lived up to the playboy name, and his name had been screamed all over this chair, you closed the memory as quickly as you had opened it and hoped that the intense embarrassment you were feeling was not noted by the two people you could feel observing you behind the window. You're only thankful that you didn't hold the memory open long enough to channel any of the emotions.

"Miss. Y/L/N?" A woman called from behind you, as you turn, you recognise it to be a formally dressed Natasha Romanoff, accompanied by Tony Stark, who was obviously taking a break from formal attire. "You're here for the psychologist opening, correct?"

"Yes, it's a pleasure, Miss. Romanoff, Mr. Stark-"  
"-You're hired." Tony had only just sat back in his chair and was clearly exhausted, he was giving you a half smile which did nothing to ease your confusion. The only thing you had done since you got there was sit in a room, that was surely not enough to be hired to work full time at the compound. Not for such an air-tight facility like this one. "Of course, you will have to start by telling us who you are, exactly. And telling me your age since ' _A lady never tells_ ' is not an excuse to ignore a required field on an application."

Comfortingly, Tony's words were met with a smirk by Natasha, but your age was truly something you did not like to discuss with strangers. Goddesses can live a long time, and although you haven't scratched the surface of your lifetime, it was an impressive age to those of Earth.

"The name on my application is my preferred name, and Doctor is my preferred title," you start, not entirely sure how to put into words the next part, being almost certain that they wont believe you, "but I am also burdened with the title: Goddess of the Mind , and I have been since birth. And as I'm aware you've both befriended a God, I hope my age will now not be questioned." You smile faintly, feeling relieved to have admitted this sooner rather than later; being a psychologist, you needed these people to trust you, and that was your main priority.

It was now Natasha's turn to respond, with what seemed to be an intrigued look, "Are we allowed to ask you to prove it?"  
"What do you want me to do?" You say more confidently than expecting, you don't like to invade peoples privacy but something about being asked to by Black Widow makes you want to prove yourself. "By the way, if your question is ' _What am I thinking right now?_ ' I hope you know that first off, that's boring, and secondly, that's the least exciting thing I can do."

"Well what would you prefer us to ask you?" Tony furrows his brows, spinning his glasses between his teeth, he was sceptical to say the least, which is when your over-confident self had an idea.

"Do you even remember the name of the blonde you had sex with on this chair in October '98? If you want, I can find it out for you. By the way, it seemed like a great Halloween Bash." You smile, as the two share knowing glances to each other, having a silent conversation. You knew that you could listen in, or even intercept the communication, but your statement seemed to be enough to prove your worth.

"As I said, Dr. Y/L/N, you're hired."

* * *

"Alright, listen up." Tony started, addressing a room full of superheroes, it had appeared that Tony had made some calls for this particular meeting, since Clint, Scott and the young Peter Parker were present. "We have a new member of the team, she is very important, not because she's going to be out there kicking ass like the rest of us, but because she's going to help us through our darker times. And God knows we have a lot of them." He turns to you. "No pun intended."

He and Natasha had given you a brief background story into each person you may encounter in the compound, even Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan were mentioned, so everyone you saw before you was familiar, your nerves were at bay for now.

"This is Y/N Y/L/N. Our new psychologist, we've invited everyone here for the month for her trail. Her lab is the floor above Bruce's, we expect you all to go in for a session tomorrow, and then whenever you need it after that." Natasha continues, "She will be available 24/7, so there is no excuses for any of you nocturnal folks in here." You follow her gaze, as it lands on a couple of individuals, Clint, Vision and Bucky. You give the latter a faint smile, though he doesn't seem to be looking at you, more so through you.

"Oh she's also the most powerful person here so don't try and get out of it." Tony smiles, biting down into an apple that seemed to appear from nowhere. "Questions?"

"I have one, uh- Mr. Stark?" Peter raises his hand.  
"Take it away kid." Tony gestures towards you.  
"If you're going to be available 24/7... When are you going to sleep?" He asks, seemingly concerned.

"I don't need to sleep, but thanks for the concern." You smile at the kid, his confusion increasing by the minute, "I prefer to work at night anyway." Your smile becomes weaker as you avoid the real reason why you haven't slept since you was fifteen years old, fear.

"I have a query. If you don't mind, Miss. Y/L/N." Vision starts, and you nod for him to continue. "Mr. Stark previously stated that you are the most powerful person in this room, therefore I wonder, what powers do you possess to make you as such?"

It was a fair question, having both Natasha and Tony dancing around your true nature. You knew you needed to be the one to tell everybody, "Well, Vision, I am actually-"

That was when the thunder started, and everyone knew what followed the spontaneous thunderstorm. What people didn't know, is that you also knew what was about to happen, and you wasn't quite sure how this interaction was going to pan out.

"Sorry I am late Stark, my brother here is terribly slow." Thor smiled, not acknowledging your presence yet.  
"Well not all of us have the ability to fly everywhere, brother." Loki almost spits out, fixing his hair.

As you notice Thor is not alone, you feel as though you can breath again, but not too loud, you still didn't want them to see you, not yet.

It had been said that Loki wasn't a threat to the Avengers anymore, and was welcomed by most, except Clint, but this was understandable, mind control wasn't an easy thing to forgive, you should know.

"What was so important that Thor had to pull me away from terrorising a second rate sorcerer, Stark?" After the fall of Asgard, they had took up residence on Earth pretty easily, somewhere in Norway was mentioned, but Loki had other plans for his arrival on Earth. As last time Loki graced Earth he was embarrassed by a man who calls himself Doctor Strange, he planned his revenge meticulously.

Stark never did get to answer the question. Thor's eyes had already analysed the room, and landed on you, at first he clenches his fist and marches towards you- and it takes every impulse you have to not panic and do something stupid, but then he relaxes, and you follow suit. Impressed by your own self control, you settle under his gaze, and refuse to be intimidated.

"Brother, do you remember this woman?" Thor keeps his eyes locked on your own, not even turning to engage his brother. "Y/N, Goddess of the Mind. Once a resident of Asgard, who stayed long enough to watch herself become a wanted criminal of Asgard." You can hear several murmurs around the room, but you don't dare avert your gaze to what you believe are confused and defensive faces. It was true, you had once took up residence in Asgard, but since you was an outsider, not even from within the Nine Realms, it seemed disrespectful to stay for too long- you ended up staying for only 100 years before seeking out a new planet.

"Yes I remember, she helped me perfect some of the lessons mother had taught me, kept me company when you and your warrior friends were too overbearing and she always got the best of Heimdell." Loki smiled and joined his brothers side, "It's good to see you again, Y/N. Don't listen to him, it's only because he never got to say goodbye that he's taking the whole ' _stealing a small portion of our gold_ ' thing to heart. Besides, you can't be a wanted woman of a planet that no longer exists." Of course, you already knew of Thor's previous affection for you, back when you used to use your powers for everything, you wanted to know everything about everyone, no matter how far you stepped into someone's privacy. Back when Thor had not yet learned the lesson of humility, he would often want the disinterested ones, as he was too arrogant to believe he wasn't desired by all. Though, from what you had heard over the cosmos in recent years, it seems Thor has learned his lesson, and is in all honesty, a good leader, and an even better gentleman.

"It's good to see you too Loki," you turn your attention to the famed 'trickster God' after giving a faint smile to Thor, "But they gave me that gold fair and square." You wink at him jokingly, they did technically openly give you the gold, but they may have been influenced by a slight bit of mind control on your behalf. Loki chuckles back, having caught on immediately, but his laugh is short lived as the three of you notice the rest of the room now in dead silence, listening in to the conversation.

You try and gage the facial expression of each person in the room, refusing to give in to the idea of just using your empathic abilities and getting the whole guessing game over and done with, everyone is in varying degrees of shock, with others also playing around with the ideas of confusion, fear and even respect.

"Well I guess I should explain myself," you take a deep breath and step away from the Gods to address the sea of shocked faces, "I am Y/N, Goddess of the Mind, but more importantly, I'm Y/N, your new psychologist, and as a dedicated member of this profession, I promise you that my powers won't be used on any of you, unless you come up with the idea yourself. As a doctor, everything has to be consensual and will remain completely between me and you." You breathe, knowing that there's still so much more to say, but it seems some of the group are already content with you, with the young Parker actually looking pretty star-struck, you imagine this is the first time he's been in a room with three Gods before. Others however, needed more convincing, which was expected, so you continue, "I know none of you really know me, and sometimes it's hard to presume everyone has good intentions, especially when your job is to fight those who don't, so I'm asking you to give me the month to build your trust. After that, my fate is in your hands, as I am aware another meeting is going to be held, you get to vote me in or out." Searching for the right words to say has never been easy, but as you look around the room, everyone seems to accept this offer, some more wary than others. You scan the room again, when your eyes fixate onto one person, Bucky Barnes. You can't imagine what it's like to be told someone who has the power to control your mind is your new therapist when his deepest traumas come from mind control. You know you can't leave your little introduction there, so you continue, not tearing your eyes away from Bucky for a second, "Look, I know what my powers can do to people, and I know that some of you in this room have experienced varying degrees of manipulation, pain inducement, and at worst- mind control. Well, that's not who I am, not anymore, and it hasn't been for any of your lifetimes. I know what it's like to not have control of yourself, and what it's like to live with the consequences of doing something you didn't want to do in the first place. I know torture. I know how difficult it is to live with afterwards. Maybe after this month trial, I'll trust you all enough to explain why too. Every single one of us have demons, including me."

With nothing else you can say, and Bucky not looking in your direction once, you scan the room to catch Natasha's eye, and with her approving nod, you know you've done all you can do for the night.

"And with that, all of you get out of the common room. Yeah- It's starting to get stuffy in here and with only one of you being able to shrink down to clear some space, I'd rather you all went to your quarters before the whole room ends up smelling like super soldier sweat." Tony announced, with most people being happy to oblige to his request, including you.

Now was probably a good time to unpack. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

Today was going to be a big day. First impressions do count after all. And what better way to start a big day than with Sam Wilson at 6am.

"So... you're like a refined, more talented, less greasy version of that Loki dude, right?" Sam enquired, it was evident this wasn't going to be a session for Sam, which was fine for you, you knew this was his way of seeing if he could really trust you.

"Pretty much, but only if this more talented, less greasy version of him also had the powers of Wanda, and then some more." You smiled, "And was way older, and less angry about pretty much everything."

"And then some huh? I like it Y/N, humblebrag and all." He was laughing now, there must be something about seeing someone with such a high title acting like everyone else that settles the inquisitive eye of Sam. You poured him a coffee and continued the talk, it did hit a couple of important points for Sam, enough for you to feel like you both took something out of your first day on the job.

With your nerves settled, the next few people were easy enough to get through: Clint seemed to be missing his family whilst battling with some serious self hatred, Vision told you plenty of times he was 'just synthetics' despite him being in the process of phasing into his human form, Wanda spoke very freely to you- she seemed to be comfortable talking about herself and how she knows people fear her to you, presumably because they were all scared of you too and Scott talked a lot about how Berlin had affected certain relationships in his life. So far only Scott had wanted to see you use your powers, not for anything useful though, he just wanted to know if you could tell him what number he was thinking of at the time. For some reason, it was 563.

It was still unknown to you how the events of Berlin led to everyone living under the same roof, it was something that Sam seemed to avoid talking about, as did everyone else thus far. Which had led you perfectly to your next two sessions, Tony and Steve.

Tony seemed the welcome the idea of having a therapist, which was refreshing, a full hour without any sceptical looks and hard to answer questions. Tony mentioned he had once attempted to do something similar with Bruce after New York, which was unsurprisingly unsuccessful. Sam had also offered to help Tony, but with the offer coming just before Berlin, the offer was never accepted, especially with their interested now being somewhat realigned.

"...And that's when Berlin happened." Tony continues, only ever stopping to check if you were still listening, "You know Berlin right? We briefed you on that. Nat briefed you on that." You nod slightly, not wanting to interrupt his flow for too long, and with the confirmation, he quickly continues. "Well the badass airport shenanigans wasn't even the problem. The accords didn't even end up being the problem. I knew Zemo was a douchebag by the end of it, I went over to help- as a friend. But that's what he wanted. Making me resent Bucky means me and Steve aren't friends, and if Steve and I are at each others throats, bye bye Avengers. There's nothing more annoying than playing straight into a bad guys hands."

This must have been the first time Tony had hacked this out with anyone, he was getting increasingly agitated, to the point where he decided to get up and wander around the room, you let him, only regretting that you didn't decorate the lab a little last night. Tony had stopped in front of a blank picture frame hanging on the wall, taking a deep breath to maintain his composure, he wasn't one for raising his voice. "I see it all, in hindsight. How easy it was to break us up. How fragile we must have been in the first place. Zemo even told us his plan. But I didn't care at the time, a part of me still doesn't, Bucky killed my mother. Or HYDRA did, whatever. Either way my mother was killed, and I know the face of the killer, whether it was his mind with him there or not." He bows his head slightly before turning back around to face you, leaning on the sleek lab tables that were already there before you arrived. "Nobody's to blame. Not really. But the thing about all these negative feelings is they can't just stay in my arc reactor and fester without anyone to direct them towards. So what's left to do? Come back to the compound. Pray another bad guy comes around so you can knock all those feelings into overdrive and get them out, in a justifiable way. And only after that has happened, you might consider ringing Steve on the disgustingly old flip phone he once gave you. Only then."

"But nobody ever came." You finished, having your theory confirmed by Stark's limp half smile. "So how did they end up back here?"

"Nick Fury." He answered quicker than you expected. "He has this knack for being able to tell the Government, and the United Nations, and everyone else, to kiss his ass and doing what he wants anyway. So he rounded us all up, told us to get it together, then picked up and left again." Tony looked up, noticing how quickly the time had ran down since he last checked it. He sits back down in his original chair and gives you the sincerest of looks. "So doc, anything you want to say before you kick me out? You have 4 minutes and counting."

"I think you need to talk to Steve, and Bucky." You put it plainly, wanting to get the Berlin issue out of the way quickly so that next time you can focus on something that seems to be a more imminent threat. New York. "And Sam."

"You know, I don't think I'm going to take that advice, thanks anyway." Tony begins to stand, but you stop him.

"Not right now, but you said it yourself, nobody is to blame. And having tension in a room where there shouldn't be is making everyone else feel uncomfortable. You don't have to like them straight away after speaking to them. But you need closure. So go get it tiger."

"Okay if you ever use the word tiger again I'm firing you before your trial finishes." Tony points at you, his defensive attitude dissipating and being replaced with a look of amusement. "By the way, you need to eat."

And with that FRIDAY simulates a holographic menu for you to look through before Steve's appointment in a half hour.

* * *

"I guess Tony already told you about the situation." Steve started, his whole body hunched over, and his voice low. "I want you to know I couldn't have made any other call. My only regret is losing a good friend. But not everybody gets a happy ending when it comes to stuff like this."

"Did anyone?" You enquire, regretting it slightly as you watch Steve assess the aftermath of Berlin in his head.

"No." He answered after a few minutes, "I guess that's on me."

"Nobody's to blame." You find yourself quoting Tony from before. "But the lid on Berlin is never going to close if it's not talked about."

"There just never seems to be a good time to talk about it. I don't want to be the one to bring the mood down, or cause another argument."

"Is there ever going to be a good time to talk about it?"

Steve smiles, knowing when he has backed himself into a corner. "Probably not."

He didn't seem to want to talk about Berlin, he had been able to come to terms with that on his own, or with Sam. He seemed to have more pressing matters, about his long life and what his purpose was now that the big threats had been exposed and taken care of, and HYDRA was no more. You couldn't help but empathise with him, after all, you've been alive for so long that you were beginning to feel like maybe you didn't ever have a true purpose.

* * *

The rest of the day was blurred, with your pages of notes letting you relive the conversations you'd had with each person. Young Peter Parker spoke of his family, it as surreal how much loss a boy as young as he had felt, you spoke to Rhodey about his incident, and let it slip that if he wanted to be healed, you had the power to do so, letting him sleep on the offer. Natasha's was interesting, and at times threatening, it was like she wanted to open up but when she got close to doing so she flipped a switch, you were unable to place whether it was a good session or not. Thor had apologised intensely for last night, and you gave the relevant apologies to him too. He had spoke of Ragnarok, the passing of his parents and how he felt uneasy about ruling his people on a planet that wasn't _his_ planet. Loki had been less concerned about these things, and more interested in persuading you to fight with him in the closed off area they built for the Hulk- a room of Dr. Banners own creation, withstanding almost anything the room could throw at it. You had refused, but was slightly tempted the more you thought about it.

The one you revisited the most was your meeting with Bruce. You may have suggested something that seemed completely insane to Banner, and everyone else in the compound, asking Bruce if you might be able to meet the Hulk every other week, for a session. The idea being that if Hulk speaks to you, gains a friendship with you and is not used as a weapon in these times, maybe he will be willing to give some control back to Bruce, the whole _'one hand each on the steering wheel'_ relationship again. After some consideration, Bruce had later sent a message up to you saying it was a good idea, but a frightening one too, so it may take some time for him to accept. You understood, it was progress nonetheless.

After you had your notes in order, filed and organised, you decided to explore the rest of the floor. Your floor. It didn't seem as lonely in the day than it did at that moment- 4am on a Wednesday morning, with the only light coming from the stars as you looked out onto the stretch of field, trying your best not to listen to peoples dreams as they became louder and louder with every breath you took. Sometimes you couldn't help it, dreams could be so loud and full of emotion that you would begin listening in without realising. You were able to keep it at bay tonight though.

Most of the rooms were empty, with only the most basic of décor, you wasn't a woman who carried a lot of luggage, so you didn't have anything to fill them with. The only room that wasn't lacking any personality was the common room area, it was ironic how this was the biggest room on your floor, especially when you were convinced that the people in this compound weren't gearing up to be your friend, and that this room wasn't going to be in use anytime soon.

You ran your fingers across the sofa, feeling how it had once been used for all sorts of social events; movie nights, small gatherings, pillow fights, people would sprawl all over this sofa after hitting the gym, mainly Sam, but it wasn't uncommon for others to follow suit. The history leaves you with nothing short of a beaming grin on your face.

The smile had gone as quick as it had came when you sensed the elevator moving towards your floor, making you uneasy as you were under the impression everyone had retreated to their quarters and was resting. It wasn't unrealistic to assume someone was out to kill you. After travelling through several multiverses to escape the grasps of your own people, you had made extra enemies along the way. You conjured yourself a knife and hid it behind your back and you stood by the side of the elevator, waiting for whomever might be against you to step out.

 **DING**

As the elevator opened you teleported straight into it, behind the person inside, ready to slit his throat.

Until you realise it's no threat at all.

"Oh it's you." You say, only after teleporting yourself to a more suited location, the common room of all places. "I didn't think you'd come." You smiled lightly.

"Yeah. Um. Sorry." Bucky walks cautiously towards the sofa, pulling the sleeves of his jumper down constantly. "You are open 24/7 right?"


	3. Chapter 3

"You are open 24/7 right?"

You feel yourself stumbling, both physically and verbally, trying to make your way to your official 'lab area'. "Uh- yes! I mean, of course? Um. Yep. I am most definitely... open. Just give me- one second." You throw yourself in your usual area, hoping that Bucky had followed behind you, since your lack of vocabulary at that time wasn't doing you any favours.

He had, luckily. Stopping himself in the doorway; you couldn't quite tell why. You was confused to say the least, it was unlike you to not understand someone's body language and facial-

You hadn't turned on the lights.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. FRIDAY, do you mind turning on the lights in here, please?" And as the room illuminates, you see the apprehension on his face, as clear as day. With his clear discomfort, you feel your own nervousness hide itself away; you had to step up. "Would you like some coffee? It's pretty late."

His sleeve pulling had not slowed down by any means, but he did make his way into the room, cautiously examining the whole area with each step. "Please." He let out a smile, an exhausted one, one used out of courtesy, no doubt. "But could you turn out the lights again, please?"

You understood, and FRIDAY followed Bucky's direction, you weren't going to oppose his request, especially since that was how you felt most comfortable too. That and the fact that you were sporting some comfortable lounge clothes instead of your usual therapist attire. Allowing him to roam the room, in silence, something you believed was just a natural instinct of the former weapon, you let your eyes adjust back to the darkness and set up the drinks and your notes. It was upsetting to think that a weapon could be made of someone, and that the impacts could be everlasting. It was upsetting to know that it happened in realms beyond your own, in universes beyond your very own. You remember being told briefly that Shuri had been able to erase any and all traces of the mind control, but that didn't mean that he was back to being the Bucky he was in his pre-serum years.

When he was ready, he sat before you, but he did not break his silence, and neither did you. It seemed to be enough for him to have the time to get comfortable in your presence, and you let him have all the time he needed. He deserved to make the rules for once.

* * *

The silence was comfortable enough for neither you or Bucky to realise the hour had passed you by. You appreciated him accompanying you in the silence, it made you forget the noise of the dreams, along with your own worries that showed themselves during the early hours of the morning.

"You know, I've never spoke about it before." He broke his comfort with nothing more than a whisper. "I don't know where to start. Or if there is one."

"That's okay." You keep your voice low, to match his. "If you don't mind me asking, how much do you remember from those days?"

You knew you had to ask, but it didn't make you feel any less regret when you saw him wince before replying, "I remember everything, Dr. Y/L/N."

"Then there is no start." You answer confidently after a brief pause, experience never fails to do that to you, and your extensive life has given you no lack thereof. In all honesty, you had never spoken about your experience either, so whilst you could share empathy, you couldn't be sure about the solution. "Maybe the best thing would be to choose one of the lighter memories from that time, maybe a conversation about a mission, the way you were treated personally, and let the conversation run from there; we'll cover everything eventually. I know none of it is particularly light, but our first step is to focus away from the things they made you do, and work our way inwards." You gave him what you hoped was a confident smile, knowing that the idea of talking about such a traumatic experience doesn't come easy to anyone. "But that can wait, come back whenever you want to and we can get into it. Don't force yourself to come back here too soon, think about it for as long as you need to. As you know, I'm here 24/7."

It did sound like an invitation to leave, but it wasn't supposed to be. The time for the conversation wasn't now, and it was easy enough to see that. Bucky knew it too. So you left it at that, and headed to make yourself another coffee.

He didn't move at first. It made you worry that you had been too abrupt, not giving him a chance to speak and all, but sometimes you find that not giving people the option was the best way to make sure there was no compromise. Eventually you did hear a shuffle, you didn't turn around, it wasn't like you to look back. But you probably should've.

"Don't you think you'll get lonely?" Bucky spoke again, from a safe distance behind you. Safe being a relative term, of course. He was right though, working constantly didn't allow any time to build friendships, everything had to be strictly professional. Besides, you was used to being alone, it was easier that way.

"Maybe." You turn around after a long sip of coffee, finally meeting his eye. "But it's safer that way."

"You don't have to be afraid of us, Dr. Y/L/N." Bucky was stood tall over the island, his hands firmly resting on the side, brow furrowed. You waited. You knew he'd get it eventually, and as a tremendous observer, you like to watch peoples emotions change. You sipped your coffee awfully slow, keeping your eyes firmly on his, and with the gradual raise of your eyebrow, you see the change. You watch as he steps back a couple paces, his shoulders rolled forward slightly, his eyes trying to mask their realisation by looking down to the floor, the sleeve pulling returning once more. "I'm sorry I-"

"You're not the one who should be apologising," You shrug, having come to terms with the fact that even a friendship could be dangerous, and you weren't prepared to put anyone in harms way. Keeping everything strictly professional was non-negotiable. "It must be difficult coming to a therapist who could control you all over again if they wanted to. That's on me. You had a good first session Bucky." You nod in his direction, a sign of respect, and you get back to work, rewriting the notes for the previously empty Bucky Barnes file.

"I'm not afraid of you." Bucky whispered into the upcoming morning before he left. Still, it was loud enough for you to stop writing for a brief moment. You thought he was delusional; he most definitely should be afraid of you. You are.

The unnoticed sunrise may have been the invitation for Bucky to leave, but it was likely the increased formal stance you took as you spoke. You hadn't let your walls down around Bucky that night, not by a long shot, but you had forgotten your role in this compound for a quick minute or two.

It was unlikely to happen again.

* * *

Being alone was comfortable. Professional-looking clothing however, was quite the opposite. You couldn't wait to see the end of the month trial, because either way, you would not be wearing these ridiculous clothes ever again. Of course, the clothes weren't the problem, you were just trying to find problems to focus on more than the ever-present loneliness that had crept up on you quicker than you had expected.

 _Don't you think you'll get lonely?_

Yes. No. Does it count if you're already lonely? And have been for many centuries? How do people think it was so easy for you to move into this compound and throw yourself straight into this job? There was nobody to leave behind, there hadn't been for a long while. Staring at those empty picture frames could certainly make you feel some type of way, which was okay, you invited yourself to feel whatever you needed to. So long as you never showed it. You were particularly good at not allowing yourself to express anything physically, which was one thing you could give credit to in your upbringing, being unreadable had been an important skill for you during your lifetime.

"You really got nothing to do except stare at some blank ass frame?" Sam laughed as he walked through the door. Honestly, you wasn't expecting anybody to come back yet. You were good at your job and that was undeniable, but therapy isn't an everyday thing for most, you were happy to see somebody today though. "Wanna switch jobs? I could probably get into staring at walls and drinking coffee, you go out there and beat up bad guys instead."

"Oh, honestly, I'd love to. But that bird costume isn't quite my style." You joke, already knowing how easy it was to get under Sam's skin, it would be rude not to take the opportunity.

"See I kno- I know you're trying to get to me. I know it Y/N! But I'm here for some serious stuff right now so you better sit your ass down and get to your real job, sitting on your butt and talking to people." He threw himself onto the sofa and made himself comfortable. "Now I trust you, so I'm going to start taking this seriously."

* * *

After Sam's session, you were pretty much done for the day, nobody else had decided to return, and you weren't expecting them to. You respected Sam's decision to though, knowing that his first session wasn't exactly about him at all, so the fact that he remedied that gave you a great respect for him. Others in the compound had scheduled specific days for their appointments, which made your life seemingly easier, only a handful of the Avengers had decided to stick to the drop-in policy, which you didn't mind either.

So it was back to the completely empty floor for you, your files all updated and your rooms still scarce of anything other than the essentials. There are benefits of such little furniture though, less to clean, less to accidentally walk into or break, less items for your subconscious to blame on suspicious sounds.

Like the suspicious sound of a certain somebody coming from behind you, into your personal space, despite the elevator not being used.

"You know, the more a sorcerer uses their magic for everyday things, the more insecure that sorcerer is about their skills." You roll your eyes, not like he can see it, but you liked to think he knew from the tone of your voice. "I hear the elevator is in good working order."

He walks directly into your line of sight. Loki of Asgard… Loki of Earth? Loki of just Norway? It was all slightly confusing, but you didn't care for formal titles anyway.

"Well I heard that if a sorcerer doesn't use their powers at all they will forget how powerful they are and therefore become defenceless." He tried to hide his concern, but he was always one for a good over-reaction."Whatever you were running from, whatever you still are running from, you need to be ready, Y/N."

To you, Loki had been someone you could rely on, which meant that you had already put him in a dangerous position. All those years ago you had helped him perfect certain tricks of his so that, if you had truly put him in the line of fire, he wouldn't get burned. That was the only reason why you let him comment on your personal life, whether you thought it to be way out of line or not.

"I am read-"  
"You're definitely not." Loki scoffed, and for a moment you feel like arguing back, before you noticed what had been right in front of you all along. An illusion. You turn around to view your lab area, where you see Loki waving at you from behind the glass. You were embarrassed to say the least, most of the time seeing through an illusion is second nature, or at least it was when you had visited Asgard. "So, how about that fight in the beasts cage?"

"Will it shut you up?" You sigh, knowing it was simultaneously a good idea and a really dangerous one too. Loki nodded, excited for your response, you wasn't worried about what the God of Mischief had up his sleeve, but you was pretty sure it wouldn't end well. "Fine, give me an hour."

"Perfect. Hope you don't mind an audience."


	4. Chapter 4

Oh this was a terrible idea.

"This is a terrible idea." Thor had echoed your thought when the whole of the compound was gathered to witness the event. Clint had decided that everyone on the outside should place their bets on the fight, and everyone abided, even young Parker, who was far too young to gamble. It was a pretty even split, or so you were told.

It didn't stop there though, Natasha had suggested a wager between you and Loki, you know, just to spice things up even more. Obviously, Loki was all for the idea, you was a little more apprehensive, but nobody would've known with your demeaner. A few rules had been set in place too, powers were only allowed to be used at set times, when the horn sounded, you and Loki were forced back into hand to hand combat until its next blare. You feared that this fight was only a lose-lose situation from your side, you could either be defeated by Loki, or you could prevail and hence show everybody in the compound what you are capable of, and have them all fear you to the point where your month trial is terminated before its end date.

"Ok, I know what I want when I win." Loki starts, as over-confident as ever, in his obnoxious horned helmet, looking way too overdressed for a mere compound scrap. "I want you to help me outsmart that second rate moral who calls himself a sorcerer." Of course, you knew who he was referring to, and honestly it wouldn't be difficult to outsmart anybody with your abilities, so you accepted gracefully.

"So I guess this is where I play my cards." You start, not entirely sure what you want from Loki. You scan his outfit again, from the bottom upwards, and then it hits you. "I'll take the helmet. I'm lacking in accessories upstairs, I think it'll make for a good centrepiece."

"This is amazing." You hear Tony announce before you and Loki entered the room, it was double mirrored, so everyone on the outside could spectate, but you would have no distractions, unless you were distracted by your own reflection, which Loki was. The room was sound proof too, the only sound being transmitted if and when Tony decided to, again, the outside could hear you, but you couldn't hear them.

The room was spacious, since it was more commonly used to accommodate the Hulk, it seemed so much smaller on the outside though. You had to wait for everyone to take their seats around the room, everyone wanted to be as close as possible apparently. You were only in your gym gear, it seemed pretty feeble now you were in the room with only Loki, in his full Asgardian gear. You were almost tempted to redress into your traditional war attire, but the memories the clothes held carried too much weight, making them counter-productive when trying to access your powers at great extents.

"Alright Reindeer Games, Doc, let the games begin." Tony announces, and the battle commences.

Loki is almost predictable, straight in with the knife, charging towards you, teleportation seemed the easiest trick, having Loki walk circles around himself before he finally tried a different trick. His illusion had caught you off guard, and before you knew it, he was behind you, knife at your throat. Still, easy enough, you focussed on his hand, using your telekinesis to remove the knife from your throat and throw Loki across the room. Your telekinesis was slightly easier to use than Wanda's, you didn't need your hands to manipulate anything into shape, all you had to do was imagine it, and it was damn fun to imagine Loki flying across a room. So far, you were having fun, winking to the mirrors with each teleportation, hoping someone was on the other side of it, you had not yet attacked Loki, you wasn't prepared to just yet, so you were on defence, despite having the upper hand.

 **BEEP.**

Round two. Hand to hand combat. This was where you were going to attack, mortals couldn't be afraid of your talent as a mortal, could they? Loki had kept the knife, but that wasn't a problem for you. He lunged over, aiming for your abdomen, you were quick to grab his hand, twisting it in a way to disarm him before rapidly twisting it in the opposite direction to flip Loki into a seated position. Still holding his arm, you gave him several kicks across the chest before he grabbed your leg, which was a trap, you had everything under control. As he grabbed, you jumped over the arm you had not yet released and you fell onto the floor, leaving you in the perfect armbar position. He was in pain, but it would take much more to make an Asgardian God yield, they ran on their pride in combat. After a couple minutes in the submission, you allowed him to get up, your legs were getting stiff in the same position anyway. After a series of blocks and neither of you landing a devastating hit, you attempt a roundhouse kick, which was inevitably caught by the God of Mischief.

 **BEEP.**

Oh no. This was not a good position to be in, Loki headed straight for your forehead, to incite a memory no doubt, you saw it coming and blocked it with both hands, which was when he used the hand holding your leg to complete his plan anyway. Everyone knows you have to let the memory play out to its full, so here went nothing.

 _You felt nothing but agony, every muscle ached and every bone was broken, most in multiple places. All you could taste was blood, most of it was your own, but you couldn't discount the possibility of it being somebody else's, anything goes on that planet. Numbness filled over you as you tried to open your eyes, they didn't go any further than a small crack for you to only be able to look at your feet, all contorted and bloodied. You were outstretched across a boulder, arms pulled as far around the rock as they could, you were sure they were dislocated, but you couldn't feel it anymore anyway, the stretching had left you suspended in the air slightly, exposed as the planets punching bag for as long as you could remember._

 _"You missed some of the action." The bellowing voice growled, and you would've cried if your tear ducts were still in working order. "It's no fun for the citizens if they can't hear your screams, honey." His fingers tickling the smallest patches of untouched skin on you cheek made you feel contaminated, everything about him was immoral and it disgusted you beyond all possible feeling. In the only attempt at rebellion you could muster, you move you head away from his touch, trying to ignore the unhealthy cracks coming from your neck the further your moved. He didn't like that. He really didn't like that. You knew he didn't like that from the fact that he had wedged his speer into your appendix until he found the rock at the other side, you refused to scream aloud, but a muffled groan escaping your lips did excite the crowd._

 _And that's where the speer stayed for 300 years._

As the memory ended your whole body still felt numb. Your sight took a moment to adjust, as well as your hearing. You were on your knees, and you had a tight grip on-

"I yield! I yield! Please! Y/N, let go!" The sound of agony. He was punching you continuously, you followed your hand down to Loki's bare hand, you must've reached out during the memory, you snapped your hand back as soon as you realised. The problem with letting a memory play out on the Goddess of the Mind was that you could share memories, and the pain of the memory, both physically and emotionally. It was now not just your memory, but Loki's too. Your eyes were wide, you hadn't closed them since you had realised what you had done. Loki had been crying and his whole body was trying its best to relax again, but it seized several times before it finally let Loki feel somewhat normal again. You wanted to help him, but you had retreated into one of the mirrors, pushing yourself as far away from Loki as you possibly could.

Nobody spoke for the longest time, you couldn't hear anything from the outside either and nobody had spoke over the radio into the room. Loki had recovered enough to push himself up so he was kneeling in the middle of the room, he reached for his helmet and pushed it in your direction. It didn't quite reach where you were sat, but that was your fault, Loki's body would still be overflowed with the aching sensation and you knew it.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Loki met your eye, feeling as though his mischief had gone too far. "I- I didn't know what memory I was trying to grasp, I just went with the darkest."

"Me too." You nod, still in too much shock to move from your position. The words barely audible, "I didn't know I had grabbed you, it must've hurt. I can take the memory back if you still trust me."

The room fell silent again. Did he still trust you? The closest thing you had to a friend, traumatised by your past. You looked anywhere else but at Loki, to every single mirror baring your disgusting reflection, look how much damage you could cause in a matter of minutes. You didn't deserve anybody's trust.

He eventually made his way to his feet, with a few grumbles and groans to accompany him. You hear footsteps coming closer, but you don't look away from your many reflections staring back at you.

"Of course I trust you." Loki was stood over you, offering his hand to help you to your feet. You eventually take it and look back at him, he didn't bother to smile, he wasn't for pitying people after all. "But if you trust me, will you let me keep it?"

You nod. Feeling somewhat vulnerable having your past exposed to someone other than yourself, but also feeling relieved that it wasn't a secret burden you had to carry alone anymore. With your approval, Loki gave you a nod of respect, to tell you your secret was safe with him, and he left the room. You stayed. You stood in the centre of the room, and looked at every wall, knowing people were still on the other side, and an overwhelming feeling of guilt hit you as you could feel their fear emanate through the walls. The guilt forced you back down onto one knee, and then the other, pushing you all the way down until you was laying on the floor, with a weight on your chest pushing you down to the point where it was hard to breathe.

That's when you felt it. The warm bleeding from the only two scars that had never healed on your body, the bleeding from where your appendix was once located. You grunted quietly and ripped the bottom of your shirt to put pressure on the wound, not worrying about the exit scar on your back just yet. You were confused, physical injuries usually didn't carry over in a memory like that, especially when shared between two people. Aching was normal, it showed that pain was inflicted on the person in a memory, but the actual injury itself was never recreated. You worried for Loki's wellbeing.

Eventually, someone entered the room, presumably to take you up to Banners lab, something about a pool of blood makes humans panic, you could've eventually healed there. You heard the door open and didn't care for seeing who it was, you was thinking probably Thor, or whomever was the least afraid of you after seeing less that 10 minutes of you in your natural element.

Your neck was supported by a soft hand, it felt so delicate you were unsure whether you were hallucinating for a second, until you felt the second hand, supporting your lower back, it was just as delicate as the other, but it was cold. And it didn't hold the same texture as the other hand, but it was careful enough to not irritate the wound. As you were lifted, you cradled towards the warmth of the body, having little physical interaction in your whole lifetime had left you craving it more than you had realised. You took the time to look upward, knowing who it was, but wanting to confirm it for your own peace of mind. You knew it.

Bucky Barnes.

You didn't say anything, but you wanted to. You wish you understood why he was the one to take you up to Banners lab, but you were deterred from asking, because the chances of you not liking the response were high. For the moment, you just appreciated the brief contact you were given for what felt like the first time in your extensive lifetime.

There was nothing like being stitched up after a fight.

* * *

"Where is Loki?" You sit up immediately after the bandage is secured by Bruce. "I need to know whether the injury carried." You begin to head out towards the door before Bruce can object, your head too full of questions to listen to anybody who didn't have an answer. As you went to open the door, you were met by Tony, Steve and Bucky, none of them looking to move anytime soon. An odd surprise really, you didn't think you would see this trio within arms distance of each other for at least another few months.

"Reindeer Games just needed a nice ice bath and to wash his hair, it was seriously greasy." Tony began.  
"You wanna talk about what just happened?" Steve took a more direct approach.  
Bucky just stood there, his shirt and metal arm still cased is blood.

"Oh but on the plus side, we hashed it out whilst you were being stitched up, didn't take long, case closed." Tony shrugged his shoulders, leading his hands into his pockets. You looked to Steve and Bucky for confirmation, they both gave you promising looks. "Now, we all have an idea about what happened in there, and we respect you Doc."

"I couldn't think of anybody better suited to be here than you." Steve crossed his arms, you knew that meant his stance was non-negotiable, so you didn't argue it. You were still confused though, surely others didn't hold this opinion, you could literally feel the fear surround you back there. It was suffocating.

"I'm not afraid of you." Bucky finally spoke, his tone more convincing than the last time he had spoke those words to you earlier that morning. It made your heart warm slightly, to hear those words and have someone mean it, but that wasn't something you could focus on now.

They requested you stay in the hospital bed for the night, but you had to politely decline, it felt awfully uncomfortable to constantly be surrounded by white walls and furniture, especially for someone who doesn't sleep. The compromise was the common area on your floor, but you had to be accompanied by one of the three men, so they could ensure you didn't do anything stupid, like your job.

A pretty easy decision, really.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony would've been too talkative.  
Steve would've been too worried.  
So you chose Bucky.

What you hadn't considered during your snap decision was the fact that he was the one least likely to sleep. You had no time to let your mind reflect on the day; you'd be damned before you let anybody see how shaken you were. So far the whole night had been silence between the two of you, with the mutterings off coffee offerings every once in a while. The only consistent sound was your pen onto the notebook you held in front of you, you felt the common room was an ideal place to sit with company, you didn't want Bucky to associate your floor as just another clinical place, you couldn't explain why. Your mind betrayed you sometimes, it was ironic that the Goddess of the Mind could rarely tell you what her own mind was doing. You didn't want friends, and you certainly didn't want anyone to think of you as good company, but at the same time you didn't want to be disliked, and you longed to connect with someone without using your powers, and without it being so one-sided in therapy-

You just wanted to keep everybody safe, and safe was at an arms length away from you.

"Coffee?" You say a tad too loud, straying away from your thought process had made you forget that it was nearing 4am. "It's about time I made a few." Bucky had been bringing the coffee to you, you could tell he felt concerned about your condition. Weird. It was almost already back to its scarred state and you were ready to tear the stitches out but people seem to forget how Gods heal at a quicker rate, if it was a wound in any other area you could have almost guaranteed it would have been fine in half an hour.

"I'll make it." Bucky had shifted to get up, but by the time he had, you were already in the kitchen. You said you wouldn't use your powers on other people, you didn't count. "Oh- uh- you don't have to-"

"I'd say its necessary, especially if you're this insistent in staying up all night to 'watch over me'." The coffee machine truly was a work of art, it was so quick your feet didn't even have time to acknowledge how cold the floor was by the time they had finished. You figured walking into the common area was probably a good idea this time round. "I'm pretty sure Stark wasn't being completely serious with that request, what's the worst that could happen to me up here?" You were pretty much talking to yourself as you walked into the common room, unsure whether Bucky could hear you or not, since he was a man of few words anyway.

Carefully, you placed the mugs down, and as you did, you noticed your notebook face-up. Not the way you had left it. You shot your head straight up to Bucky, a trained soldier who you thought paid more attention to detail than to place your notebook the wrong way up. His face was unreadable in the dark, which was frustrating because you wanted to know what in the hell he was thinking, you wanted to know so badly that you could feel your powers inviting you into his mind. You declined.

In truth, you were more embarrassed than you were angry. You had finished any and all work you could possibly do hours ago. You had been subconsciously drawing whilst your mind drifted in and out of conflict with itself. It was a weird talent of yours, you didn't know what you had drawn until you saw it face up.

Maybe it was time to talk about it.

"Who is that... in the photo?" Bucky's breath hitched in between his question, like he already knew the answer but for some reason people want to hear it said aloud before they can believe it. You had drawn a familiar place. The boulder. And all that came with it. The chains. The spear. The constant crowds of people. The humiliation. The exposure. The vulnerability. It was all there in the drawing. The drawing Bucky had decided to take a look at. "Dr. Y/L/N?"

"If you must know," You start after a long sigh, overturning your notebook. "That's me. Just after waking up from the last time I slept."

"15, right?" He was hunched over, elbows on his knees and his shoulders low. "I shouldn't have looked. I'm sorry."

"Well it doesn't matter now, it's done, right?" Shrugging, you knew it was no time for an argument, besides, you'd already been holding onto one grudge your whole lifetime, you didn't have room for another. You quickly decided you weren't ready to talk about it, so you changed topic. "But now you have to tell me something, I mean I'm your therapist anyway so it's only fair." You wait for his nod before you continue, "How did it come to be that Tony decided to magically talk to you and Steve in a matter of minutes after not directly speaking to either of you for months?"

A direct question, sure, but it had been on your mind for a while.

Bucky shifted in his seat, he was on the sofa opposite you, so he couldn't really escape your curious eye. "After I put you down in Dr. Banners lab, Steve was already talking to Tony. Tony called me over. He said that if you taught him anything, it was that memories were painful, and they wouldn't stop being painful. But that doesn't mean that anyone was to blame for the pain... He said the past didn't define the person I am now. I didn't say anything but I didn't agree with his point, but I accepted his forgiveness, tried to apologise again but Tony wouldn't let me. He told Steve that we were all stronger together. That right now it wasn't about them, and that they needed to look out for one of their own. Said he missed Steve, Steve said the same. Then the conversation moved on. Tony said the only thing he needed to do now was talk to Sam."

Well, you were thankful for the short version of the story, filling in the gaps was easier than you had anticipated. You taught him about painful memories in that room, he saw you and Loki, and Loki's reaction being so much more powerful than your own, but how relieved you were when Loki asked to keep it. It was the same type of relief Tony felt when he finally spoke of Berlin to you. Even though Tony's word were spoken to Steve and Bucky, they kept hitting you. _Stronger together._

Wrong. But whatever works for them, you guess.

"Do you want to know who they needed to look out for?" He mumbled, luckily for you, you have impeccable hearing, mixed with a little non-invasive mind reading. You didn't respond straight away though, you had comprehended what he said, but his voice was so low and kind of... vulnerable? It was comforting to listen to, so you let yourself feel safe in it for an extra second longer.

"Only if you want to tell me." You match his almost-whisper, making the two sofas seem closer than ever, looking only into Bucky's eyes that were becoming more and more visible as the night went on.

"It was you." Bucky didn't break the stare. Pride wouldn't let you break it either. You didn't really know what to do with that information though, it was exactly what you didn't want to happen. You didn't need them to look out for you and they shouldn't think of you as 'one of the team', especially only three days into your job. Your job which you haven't really done much of yet, you might add. Longingly, you searched Bucky's eyes for any indication that he was joking, he wasn't. You didn't see Bucky as the joking type, so you don't know why you even tried.

"And what's your take on that, Mr. Barnes?" Your increased formality creeping back, just as it did the night before.

It took him a while to respond, it was his turn to read your eyes. You knew there was nothing behind them. You've been hardened to the point where emotion isn't a weakness of yours anymore. Whatever he wanted to see, you was certain he wouldn't find it.

"I think everyone under this roof can relate to what they saw today. Sure the blood was a damn shock. But I don't know. It showed us- It showed me that- that maybe we aren't so different, you and I. Even though you're a Goddess, or whatever." It was the light hearted laugh that escaped Bucky's lips that made him advert his gaze, but you wished he hadn't. No. You're happy he did, it gave you time to get a grip over yourself, and keep the distance between you.

You knew you shouldn't keep the conversation going, the more you knew about him, the closer it is to a friendship than it is a doctor-patient relationship, but you had more on your mind. Something else was betraying you, the depths of your mind that didn't seem to see reason, they wanted to ask more questions.

"Why were you the one to pick me up out of the room?" You're leaning forward, as if in doing so you would be able to hear the answer faster. It was eating away at you, at why you felt such fear from all around you in that room and all Bucky is saying is that he isn't afraid and that nobody else is either. Nothing is making sense and its annoying. You don't let on any negative feelings though, apparently they age you.

"Well you didn't seem to be rushing to Dr. Banners room yourself." Bucky let out a genuine laugh, he was being more playful than you've ever seen him. It was progress in the grand scheme of things, and that was all you could view it as, progress for Bucky. Nothing else.

"It wasn't really a life or death type situation." You shrugged, awarding you a confused look from Bucky Barnes, who had most definitely killed people via stabbing. "Look, Loki's favourite pranks to play on his brother are illusions that end in him stabbing Thor, right? He'd never do it if his intention was to kill Thor though, because being stabbed is such an easy heal. I'll show you."

You unwound your bandages, not worrying about how carefully you were doing so. The wound had healed, just like it had done once before, when the weapon was first removed. You walked over to the bathroom and grabbed some scissors and a wipe, cutting out the stitches and wiping the dry blood from the completely healed hip. You rolled up your vest, so it acted more as a crop top, making your way in front of the window in hope that the sunrise would shine some light on the scar to prove your point to Bucky. He still made his way towards you to take a closer look.

"May I?" He gestured to your scar, your mind said no, but your head nodded. He gently placed his human hand just above the scar, his fingers circling around it, you watched the focus on his face as he moved so delicately. You were mesmerised by his focus, and how his touch felt like it was barely there, the only thing reminding you were the shocks it sent to your central nervous system, reminding you how much you yearned for someone's touch. Usually, you'd have already pulled away by now, this was too close to trust, which was too close to friendship, but you were so intrigued by Bucky's sensitivity. That, and you now had Buckys metal arm on your other hip, you felt like it was keeping you grounded, asking you not to move, so you didn't. His human hand finally brushed over the scar, and then again, and then over the whole of it, all at once. It didn't hurt, which is what you presumed Bucky was testing, you were still encased in watching his brow furrow every now and then, the calm breaths he took and the way he would slightly bite the inside of his cheek when he was focussing. "I guess you're right." Bucky looked you in the eye, there was no pretending you hadn't been staring at him the whole time, but he didn't seem to mind, he didn't let go straight away either. You were both stood in what felt like a trance, you were looking at him, trying to find something now that the light was hitting him, and damn, it was good lighting for him.

"I uh- I don't know what- Is- Is this a bad time?" You head snaps around to see where the voice had come from, Sam Wilson. Of course. "I'm never taking the stairs again."

* * *

 _Authors Note:_

 _Oh hi guys! I thought I'd say a little hello since I haven't really said anything and we're now 5 chapters in. Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read, and if you have any suggestions I'm open to any messages/reviews you wanna send. Also after this chapter we're gunna get the ball rolling a little, can't believe we're only at the end of day 3! Time may move faster after this chapter but I promised a slow burn and a slow burn this will be. I'll be utilising more of the characters too, trying to make use of the whole 'everyones in the compound for a month' situation I threw myself into. Fun! Seeya soon guys, thanks X_


	6. Chapter 6

As it would turn out, Sam was going to be working on the floor with you from that night onwards. You welcomed the idea, especially since Sam knew these people a lot better than you ever intended on knowing them. He was mainly there for post-mission sessions but, like you, he would often just stay on the floor anyway, just in case.

You only had a few days until the Avengers would decide whether you were going to stay on permanently or not. Either way, you weren't worried, you were used to having to move from place to place, if anything, you may have been more scared of staying. Everyone had made some noticeable progress though, you agreed with Banner to meet the Hulk every two weeks for a short periods at a time, Visions phasing was almost fully complete, Rhodey could walk unaided again, and Scott Lang was still just happy to be there.

The only person you haven't really seen much of recently was Bucky.

After Sam had arrived the other week Bucky seemed to feel slightly awkward around you, maybe due to the fact that every time Sam and Bucky happen to be near each other, weather alone or in a group, Sam would always make some sort of comment about what he believes he saw that night. He would always do it in a round-about way which left all the other Avengers out of the loop, with some of them wanting to know so badly they would ask you to use your powers on Sam to find out, obviously you didn't need to. Bucky's sessions were now the same as anybody else's, an hour long, during the day, and strictly professional; what you had wanted, right?

Well... you guess so.

* * *

 _"I'm never taking the stairs again." Sam still stared in the direction of you and Bucky, balancing several boxes in his hands didn't seem to be his biggest concern in that moment._

 _"Good, its unnecessary work for no reason." You walk over to take a box from Sam's hands, more so to create space between you and Bucky than it was to actually help. "But whichever way you come, I'll usually hear you coming."_

 _"How about this time? Did you hear me then?" He mocked._

 _"I wasn't listening out." You put it plainly, not biting the bait he hung for you. Looking over to Bucky, you see him starting to hunch over slightly, he seemed embarrassed. You didn't blame him. Who would ever want to be associated with you? "I was preoccupied." It earns a stifled laugh from Bucky at least._

 _"I could see that." Sam laughed, appreciating your confidence to the situation. "But since we're going to be sharing this floor now, this nasty thing is off the cards."_

* * *

It left you feeling terribly lonely again, but you can always get used to that again. If Sam would ever let you.

He was down at the gym at the moment though, with Clint, Natasha, Wanda, Tony and Peter all being out on a small mission, it was a good time for him to take a break. He had friends to go entertain after all. You welcomed the alone time too.

"Dr. Y/L/N?" Visions voice echoed slightly through the room, he was still not a fan of doors, or floors to say the least.

"Hey, Vision, are you okay?" He was usually one to make an appointment, so his spontaneity had worried you slightly.

"Oh yes I am in perfect health, doctor. I was rather wondering if you might be feeling ok?" It was unusual to see Vision be so concerned, his formalities made the question sound a little forced, but you knew it wasn't.

"Uh- yeah I'm perfectly fine, thanks." You weren't expecting anybody to ask you about your feelings if you were honest, they didn't really seem to be relevant to your job description.

"I hope you don't mind, doctor, but I have compiled my own assessment of you on my own limited knowledge. I would like to share it with you once you pass the month trial, which to my calculations, will definitely happen. I think it will shed more light on why I ask such a question."

"Sure. Come by whenever you want to," You smile, not really knowing what else to say, but also being intrigued by the knowledge Vision has. And with that, Vision was about to leave. "Vision, the elevator, please." You laugh, now he looked like a human it was really unnerving to see him rise from the floor below you, it was truly horror-movie worthy.

You walked him over to the elevator as a matter of courtesy, not many people visit you with the intention of just a quick chat.

 **DING**

The elevator doors rolled open, for you to be met with three faces.

Sam.  
Steve.  
Bucky.

* * *

 _You hadn't seen Bucky in a week. Not even for a session. It wasn't your job to pester people to show up though, it was their choice. It gave you more free time anyway, you had time to read some books and relax a little more now. You'd like to say you could get some peace and quiet, but quiet is never an option with Sam._

 _"Can I ask you a question?"  
"Besides that one?"  
"Next time I just wont give you a choice."  
"You wasn't going to give me a choice anyway."  
"Touché."_

 _You continue reading, you had found some cool looking poetry from the Beat Generation that you were eager to get through._

 _"Anyway about that question." Sam started, obviously not letting it go. "What was it that I saw last week when I came up here? I tried to ask Winter Boy but he does that thing where he pretends that he's introverted and never speaks to me."_

 _Well, that was the end of your reading session for today._

 _"He was just checking to see if my scar had healed, he didn't believe that Gods heal quickly." You shrug, it was nothing really, when you think about it. Just you proving a point to someone you live with._

 _"Uh huh," Sam was clearly unconvinced. "But when I came up, he wasn't looking at your scar."_

 _You knew this, it may have gotten a little out of hand, but you weren't taking this interrogation from Sam sitting down.  
_

 _"So then what was he looking at?" You roll your eyes, waiting to scoff at whatever answer he came up with._

 _"Your lips." Sam replied, as though he had never been so sure of anything before._

 _"I think you're wrong." You laugh, mocking his idea, despite wanting it to be true._

 _"You know, to say you're Goddess of the Mind or whatever stupid ass title is, you really have no idea what's going on in his head." Sam laughed, the mocking now being turned back around on you. "Maybe you should put them powers to good use and see for yourself."_

* * *

"You don't mind us using this common area instead of the downstairs one, right? The brothers are having a little catfight and it seemed easier to just avoid it." Sam asked, but it wasn't really a question, he had already made his way to the common area and put his feet up. Vision silently left in the midst of all of the confusion, you wished you had too.

Smiling, you greeted Steve and Bucky, stepping out of their way to allow them through, you didn't really feel the need to say anything. Everybody should always feel welcome on your floor, so maybe Sam was onto something. You head into the lab and leave the boys alone, you didn't have any work to do, but you could always find something. Maybe hold onto the Hulk files and relive the first meeting? That was an interesting one. Relive Tony's New York experience? You had tried not to think on it too much, but every time Tony had mentioned it, it felt like something bigger was at play in New York.

"Yo Y/N! I know damn well you don't have no work to do, get out here!" Sam shouts across the floor, it was a common occurrence, once either you or Sam were comfy, you would just shout and hope the other heard you. It worked. It also helped you feel more human, since you could definitely communicate with anybody in any room if you chose to use your powers to their full extent. You felt your guests may not appreciate the system you and Sam had in place though, so you just abide and trudge out to the common room, a notebook in hand, so you could continue pretending to work.

"For your information I do have work to do," You slump down onto the sofa next to Sam, with Steve and Bucky taking up the contents of the other, leaning your back on the arm and swinging your legs up so you were as comfortable as possible. "It's just that none of the work is strictly new, or relevant."

"You're redoing work? Our files?" Steve asked, he seemed interested enough for you to continue, ignoring the glint in Sam's eye that had been there ever since he came through the elevator.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Sometimes in a session its hard to take note of everything of importance all at once, I don't want to miss anything that may change the end assessment. So in each sheet of paper from each session is the whole conversation. I relive it whenever I feel it necessary." You hoped that this use of your magic wasn't frowned upon, you had not asked permission to do so after all.

"...Like a transcript?" You honestly didn't know if this was Steve's old age talking or if he had actually forgot that you're a literal Goddess. Sam was trying not to laugh at the question, you even thought you saw a smirk flash onto Bucky's face. You were lost for words, not really knowing how to explain that objects hold their memories, and you can live them.

You decide to respond with a simple, "No, not really." Earning you a laugh from Sam, who's little eye glint was now at the forefront of your mind, as it had grown as he decided to take the floor.

"Come on man, she's literally magic personified and you think she just writes out the whole conversation?" You and Sam had several conversations about the extent of your powers, you told him that psychometry was one of your favourites. "She can like, tell you everything that has happened in one spot, like that chair, her notebook, that spot by the window just there."

You knew he wouldn't be able to resist. He usually doesn't tease you about what he thinks he saw that night though, other than the odd suggesting look after a session with Bucky. You look to check Bucky's reaction only to see his eyes already locked on you, he didn't seem to mind, it wasn't like you were caught in a compromising position. He was just checking your scar. That was it. You're not even friends with him, or anyone, there was nothing to hide about what had happened.

Except the fact that you had gone to relive that moment a couple times since it had happened. Only ever when Sam wasn't around though.

"Why that spot by the window-"

"-It's nothing." You, Bucky and Sam all said in unison, with varying tones of urgency. Bucky's seemed to be the most urgent. Maybe just because he was expecting it from Sam.

"Sure sounds like nothing." Steve laughed, he didn't seem to mind not knowing, which you appreciated.

You turned to Sam to give him the warranted death stare, only to see him smirking back at you. Whatever his plan was, you knew it wasn't finished yet. It would've been so easy to read his mind and play him at his own game right then, but you didn't want to jeopardise your relationship with Sam, he was sharing your floor after all. It definitely wasn't because you thought he could be one of your closets friends here. You don't have friends.

"Yeah, yeah it's nothing at all uh- Steve, could I speak to you alone in my poorly decorated lab for just a sec?" Sam finished playing his hand, pacing towards the door before Steve had time to question him. Leaving you and Bucky alone, facing each other, the way your last interaction in this room had started.

"If you want to decorate it, by all means do, I just like being a minimalist." You shout after Sam, who graced you with a middle finger.

Silence.

Not like that comfortable silence either, since you and Bucky had been on purely professional terms for over three weeks now you didn't really know what to say to him. You guess this was what you wanted anyway, professionalism at all times. You started to scribble away on your notebook, so at least something would be breaking the silence.

You weren't really drawing or writing though, you were letting your subconscious have its way with that again. You were thinking. Hard. About that night and how weird you had felt since, a slight awkwardness lingering in the room, like you and Bucky had took it too far. You had took it too far. Acting so unprofessionally, and putting him in danger like that; wanting more, knowing the consequences.

"...How's your hip?" Bucky asked eventually, his voice raspy and quiet, he didn't seem to know what to say either.

"You know it's fine." You continued scribbling away, trying not to pay much attention to your mind telling you to throw away the book and talk to him. Lucky for you, you were trained in self-control. "But thanks for your concern."

Silence. Again. Painful silence.

Probably not a part of Sam's plan, which you still didn't fully understand yet. Why would you need to talk to Bucky?

"Well, this has been sufficiently weird." You give a weak half smile and you stand, making you way to your lab. Maybe it was time to review those New York files again.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam's lab was located directly opposite yours, with the complete glass walls unable to hide the little pace you added to your stride as you made the last couple of steps into your own lab. He simply mouthed 'you OK?' from his side of the room and you nodded back. He seemed to accept it.

Your floor seemed colder than usual, and in the middle of the summer in Midgard, there was only a handful of explanations for this. Only some people got the pleasure of this particular reason though. You make your way round the corner of the lab, out of sight from the others, you see a familiar face.

"Loki." You nod, not really in the mood for smiling so much in the comfort of your own space. "To say you've been living in the compound I haven't really seen much of you."

"Oh I haven't been living here, this place is disgusting." He interjects almost immediately, the Odinson's really did have an eye for interior design. "I was here to talk about where I have taken up residence but I do have to ask-" You hated when he said that, it always filled you with this feeling of being judged by him. "-Did you really think he was going to follow you in here?"

You don't falter for a second, showing no emotion in your response. "If I wanted to speak to him, I would have stayed exactly where I was." You shrug, thinking more on the news of Loki's arrival than on whatever he believes your current situation is. "Anyway, who's your new boyfriend?"

"What?" Loki jumps backwards, knowing you hadn't used your powers.

"The reason these boys are up here is because you and Thor were fighting, you only get Thor that riled up when you want him to give you a reason to not tell him something major. That something major is either a new love interest or you killed someone you probably shouldn't have. For my own peace of mind I like to think it to be the former, if I'm correct I also know who your boyfriend is but if you want to break it to me you better do it quick because I really just wanna get out of here and meet him already."

"Well, you asked to meet him." Loki shrugs, looking at the ground where a circle of sparks encased the two of you. "Hope you don't mind a quick exit."

And with that, you fall.

* * *

No terrible landing for you though, telekinesis has always been useful for that kind of stuff. Loki, on the other hand, couldn't quite keep his balance, despites trying his very best, much to the amusement of you and the other Doctor in the room.

"Ah, you must be Y/N. I'm-"

"Stephen. A pleasure to finally meet you." You answer for him, introductions seemed tedious after so many years of being alive. He seemed offended by your interruption though, you weren't quite sure why yet though. You were tempted to use your powers on him, he wasn't a patient of yours after all, and he'd never know, you liked the guessing game not using your powers gave you though.

"Did Loki tell you why you are here?" Strange asked, his tone implicating more than just an announcement of a new relationship.

"No, and he didn't need to." You took a deep breath, as a distraction of course, you wanted to know why you were here and you also wanted to show off your powers in front of like minded people, so you used a little foresight to find the most likely answer. _'Universal threats to this realm'_ leaped out at you, and you snapped back to the current conversation with your exhale. "I think this conversation should be done sitting down, perhaps with a strong drink."

Strange teleports himself and Loki to the next room, he tried to teleport you with them but you were able to refuse the movement. What was with sorcerers and using their powers for pointless tasks? You walk into the next room and give Loki a knowing look, reminding him of a previous conversation about sorcerers insecurities. You grab yourself a drink as you walk in, avoiding more unrequited uses of magic at any cost.

"I'm sorry, what do we need Y/N for again? I completely didn't listen the first time you told me." Loki lightened the mood, allowing you to see what Stephen looked like smiling for the first time.

"Someone's coming." His expression changes immediately as he faces you, at least it shows he's genuinely interested in Loki, you guess. "Y/N knows who it is, and how big the threat may be."

As a doctor, you were wary of giving way information that wasn't suited for the topic at hand. Was Strange talking about New York? Was there something else you had missed in a different file? You sure hoped not. You stayed silent, waiting for Strange to tell more of the story, he looked like the type that liked to hear himself speak, so you let him.

"A spaceship of unknown proportions entered our universe two days ago, since most ancient books don't cover creatures beyond this universe it took a while to find any origin from the spaceships symbol or shape. Wong came across it this morning, I showed Loki and he reluctantly told me it reminded him of a memory he was allowed to keep of yours. I hope you don't mind but he shared said memory with me and-"

Oh you did mind. Loki knew it too. He knew it since you induced the sensation of his lungs filling with water just long enough for him to think he was going to die, Strange didn't seem to notice.

"-they happen to know your location. Now tell me Y/N, how big is this threat?"

Emotion never usually takes over you, but being betrayed really does let out the anger in some people; today you were one of those people.

"I'll deal with that problem, Stephen." You forcefully take his hand, extracting the memory Loki gave him back into you, the anger dimmed the pain of the transaction. "Now, what you need to deal with has been a threat in this universe for several years, I would've thought someone who so narcissistically calls themselves the Sorcerer Supreme would have already noticed him by now."

"And what threat is that?" Loki asks in place of Strange, taking a memory from someone often leaves them in confusion for several minutes.

"You know who it is." You stare back at Loki. It was foolish of him to think you didn't know what he had been through leading up to the attack on New York, connecting the dots between Loki's trauma and Starks was simple, and everything always boiled down to one person, whether they knew the name or not.

Loki nodded back in agreement, and as a form of apology. You decided to take it, Loki was one of the only people that had not been so quick to judge you whilst you were on Asgard, it would have been a shame to lose that over him trying to do the right thing. Yes, he completely violated your trust, but so had everyone else from your past.

"You make a good couple." Was your final statement on your way out, enough to put Loki at ease about what had just occurred, and enough to see shock flash across Strange's face, obviously he didn't think the interaction had gone too well either. He seemed like a well-driven man, focussed, and probably good fun when he wasn't too busy thinking about universal threats. You only wished he had enough control over his magic by the time Thanos arrived for it to be an easy win.

* * *

The night before your month trial was over. Damn. It was weird to think you had settled into the compound so easily, you had taken well to everyone, especially Sam. Everyone seemed to accept you and your powers and almost everyone had let you use them in one form or another. You were, dare you say it, comfortable in the compound. Having an area to call your own. Having people, mostly FRIDAY, to rely on, to make sure you eat and offer to help you with things. It was nice.

Shame you had to leave tomorrow. No matter the outcome.

You were in the common area, which was now more like your safe space, away from everything that looked so clinical and unrealistic. You had a pencil in your hand, no notebook with you this time, you were just twirling the pencil mindlessly, trying to formulate the plan for when your people finally found you. It was easy to keep an eye on them, you had completely thrown out the limited magic rule since Strange told you the news, you needed practice now more than ever to ensure you wouldn't go back to that horrible place. You watched them in almost every spare minute of your day, it was like having the TV on whilst you worked, casually looking up at it every now and then to check you didn't miss anything interesting.

So you watched. Waited. Devised a plan. Stared at the floor length windows and prayed for this to not be real. Thought about what to tell the Avengers tomorrow. Maybe you could just tell Stark? Privately let him know you have an army to kill. How would that even go down?

 _I can't stay here.  
Why not?  
My people are coming to capture-maybe-kill me, just need to go kill them, no biggie._

Yeah. That wouldn't work out too well.

That, and they are the Avengers, they would feel obligated to help you, which would evidently get them all killed. Not something you want on your conscience. Earths greatest defenders, dead because of a feud that shouldn't even stretch into this universe. Why couldn't they just leave you alone? Foresight always told you the only way you would ever be free would be if one side seized to exist. You hated foresight. You hadn't used it since. Hopefully your choices meant that you would be the one to live, and if you wasn't, death was better than the torture you had already been through.

You hear a cough coming from the far side of the common area. It was nearing 2am, so there was no way it was Samuel _"I-need-my-beauty-sleep"_ Wilson. You were still too encased in your planning to turn around, you make some sort of humming noise, as a signal for the person to make their way in, even talk if they had to. The presence didn't feel threatening, if they were there to kill you, they wouldn't have made a noise. Using all your powers felt a little weird, knowing someone was now in the room with you, but it was good practice, so you didn't slow down your planning, you could feel their feelings, pull their thoughts out of them if you wanted to. Tempted, you put the view of your people on a low volume for you to look into when you needed to, you don't advert your gaze from the window yet. Instead, you look for words, emotions, things jumping out at you about this person.

 _Nervous. Tired. Pain. Confusion. Wariness. Need. Notebook._

Notebook. Shit.

"I- I uh- You left this, the other day. I didn't think you would want Steve or Sam taking a peek at it. So I- I hope you don't mind." Bucky gently placed the book on your lap as he sat down next to you, you never did see what you drew the last time he was here. All you did know was that the drawing of you was still in there, and now the reality of an unwanted 'family' reunion was dawning on was overwhelming.

"Thankyou," You break away from your intense stare at the window to give an appreciative look towards Bucky. Understanding that you're impossible to read, you felt it was a good time to let the people around you know how much you appreciated their company, and how it was all for nothing since you had no choice but to leave. "Honestly, I mean it. You let me into your mind, after having people probe at it and control it for so long, you took care of me, not that I needed it." He laughs, and you take that as a good indication that you should continue. "You showed me true emotion, a proper smile, and you never minded when I didn't. You didn't question my past. You- You're-" You stop yourself, not really knowing where you was going with the sentence anyway. "I'm sorry."

The apology confused him, pushing that emotion to the forefront of his mind, even above the eternal tiredness he feels. "You don't need to apologise for anything." His brow furrows to the point where they're practically touching, looking for something in your eyes, something you know he couldn't find, your eyes had no emotion in them anymore. "What's wrong?"

Your choice of words put you in a hole, and you weren't yet sure how to climb out of it without letting Bucky in. You wouldn't mind letting Bucky in, but it would be terrible of you to let him in and then leave the next day, there wasn't any point. You couldn't ask him to leave, and you also couldn't talk to him. You were stuck.

"Can you- Would you stay with me? Only for a little while. Please?" Your hand rests on his knee, physically begging him to stay where he was, since you knew your face wasn't letting on the urgency of your request.

His metal arm laces with your fingers, and then makes it way to your thigh, just resting in a way that allowed you to comfortably lay your leg over his lap. "Of course."


	8. Chapter 8

Every slight movement was hesitant. You didn't expect anything less from the pair of you though, neither of you knew your strength and neither of you were wired into this whole intimacy thing. It didn't feel romantic, but everything that was going to happen in the little bubble the two of you had created that night was going to be extremely personal. You could feel that much.

Both of you had been silent for a while; you were still tapping into your plethora of powers, figuring out which ones would be useful for the upcoming event, planning as much as you could. Bucky hadn't noticed, after all, it was usually silent between the two of you when it came to talking beyond the confines of the lab.

Your people had not yet tracked your exact location, which was lucky for you, it meant you could say your goodbye properly tomorrow. When you listened further though, the things they planned to do to you once they found you were revolting, pushing forward memories from your time as the punching bag of your kind, it made you truly remember that nothing was off limits in this upcoming fight. Flying through your memories of torture and lewd acts that a child should never have to endure, you felt a slight jolt of pain from every memory, supressing it until the final horrific memory of the time, the spear.

You flinch so hard it alerts Bucky, you had no time to think on that though, you pulled up your vest to check on your scar, which was still closed and unbothered, you had gotten away with it. Now you had a different problem though.

"Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" Bucky moved closer, you weren't entirely sure how but he was definitely closer now. Your brain was scattered too thin for you to respond, you were still confused about how he had gotten so close. "Talk to me, Dr. Y/L/N."

His hand made its way up to your cheek, encouraging you to look at him. You knew your usual state of showing no emotion was behind you at this moment, so you didn't want to look at him. But you needed to. Everything was a little frantic for you still, your eyes shot up to look at the man before you, who was taken aback by the sight of you losing control.

You shut down the memories one by one, to circle back to the observation. They were still pretty far from Earth, and the mild freak out you had just experienced hadn't alerted anything on their systems. Not yet anyway. You only stayed to watch them for a second, if you didn't speak to Bucky soon you would have to tell him the truth.

"I'm sorry." It only leaves your lips as a whisper, but you could tell your words stuck with him as you stared into his eyes.

"What for?" He starts, but soon realising it probably wasn't a good idea to ask. Sometimes questions are best left unanswered. Bucky changed his response instead, his arm on your thigh lifted your legs a little closer to him whilst the other hand made its way through your hair, tucking a piece behind your ear, and once again making its way to your cheek, his low tone humming out the words "It's okay, you're okay."

You needed every second of it, and you hated yourself for it. Even without saying anything at all your felt like you were lying to him. The weight of your head rested in his hand, the planning had become too much for you tonight.

"Can I ask you a question?" You feel as though you are practically begging him to say yes, but it probably doesn't seem that way on the outside. "What did I draw in my notebook?"

"You don't know?" He looked confused, naturally, what kind of person doesn't know what they drew?

"Subconscious drawing, I should really stop doing it." You roll your eyes, in a sort of comical way. Also so you could take a second to compose yourself, you could feel something... different, and you had to break it a little to stop feeling so intense. As your eyes returned back to him though, the feeling returns. You didn't know what it was, but it was dangerous.

You could see Bucky becoming more comfortable, "See for yourself." He takes his hand away from your thigh for a brief moment to hand you the book he had placed beside him, before resuming his position, tracing his hand up your leg to find a place that was comfortable for him.

Flipping the book open, you feel almost embarrassed. To anyone who looked at the drawing at face value, it was just one of the windows in the common area. To you, it was _the_ window in the common area, and under closer inspection, the pencil work close to where you was stood that night curves slightly to show a faint outline of Bucky. You could tell by the way the hair fell.

"I should definitely stop doing it." You laugh, shaking your head as you close the book and toss it aside. It was nice to see a time where your subconscious wasn't so focussed on trauma though, whilst also being smart enough to hide its true self away from the rest of the world-

Interesting. You now had a plan. Or at least the start of one.

* * *

Bucky fell asleep on the sofa that night. You knew he wouldn't leave after you had asked him to stay earlier, so when he did eventually let himself fall asleep, you grabbed him a few spare blankets to make sure he was comfortable.

It was 6am. You had to get ready for the day, you wanted to dress as professional as you did a month ago to keep the whole professional thing going, but you needed to dress casually. Leggings would do. You hoped this worked.

"Hey Y/N?" Sam shouted. Crap. "What's this homeless looking dude doing on our couch?"

You ran out of your room and into the common area; Bucky had only fallen asleep an hour or two ago. You were surprised to see him still asleep when you walked in actually, you thought he was a light sleeper.

"Shhhh you asshole," You look to see the stupid _'I told you so'_ look on his face. "He came to return- something of mine."

"Yeah. Ok. Thanks for the boring part. Then what?" You didn't end up answering Sam. You could hear something.

 **DING**

"Oh no." You look at Bucky, and then back to Sam, who seemed to have gotten the message. Kind of. He was throwing pillows at Bucky until he got up.

"Hey! Dr. Y/L/N-" Tony starts, with the whole of the Avengers crew following behind him. Surely there was a weight limit on that elevator, you knew it was a huge elevator but damn. Weird.

"Heyyyyyy guys." You spun around slowly to greet them all. "What are you all doing here so early? Do any of you sleep properly?"

"Tell me about it." Scott shouts from the back, dressed in some swanky Captain America pyjamas.  
"I hear that." The small Parker boy yawns, a Spiderman eye mask pushed onto his forehead. "Summer break is for sleeping."

Everyone else was actually dressed, and ready to get on with the voting, or whatever it was that was going to happen. So they pushed on through to the common area, Natasha first.

"Bucky." She grimaces as she saunters into the room, you had a feeling she had a very good idea about what was going on. "No wonder you didn't answer when we went to get you out of your room, you're usually the first up."

"Well, yeah uh- He came up to see me last night, I let him crash on the couch." Sam jumped in, he was pretty good at helping you out. You gave him a nod.

"Yeah. Checks out." Tony shrugged.

* * *

As the Avengers piled in, finding chairs from the labs to sit on, or begrudgingly sitting on the floor, you pulled Steve aside for a quick chat. Time to start the plan.

"I know we don't talk much outside of the lab but I really need your help." You start so quickly that you was unsure whether or not Steve had understood you, so you slowed down your next few words. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course. How big is the problem? Do we need to tell-"

"We don't need to tell anyone. I'm not even going to tell you most of it." You might as well be forthcoming, if you couldn't be honest about the mission you was sending him on you had to let him know now.

"Ok. What do you need me to do." You were taken aback slightly, you guessed he did trust you after all.

"I need to get to Wakanda; I need Princess Shuri's help, if she will give it to me."

Steve pauses for a moment, you presumed it may have been too big of an ask, but that wasn't it. "Yeah I can get you there, but I don't have Shuri's number to even know if she's available. But I know someone who does."

And there lies the problem.

"We have to tell him-"

"Can't you just steal his phone instead? Surely you know the password-"

"I cant lie to him, Dr. Y/L/N."

After an intense stare-off, you know your only option is to give in, you were the one begging for his help after all, not the other way around.

"Okay. Here's what you need to know."

* * *

"In what world does a quick chat last that long?" Sam jokes.

"It's a shame nobody likes you enough to hold a conversation with you for more than five minutes." You joke back, with a little of the team supporting your clapback.

"Oh you gonna wish you didn't go there." He clears his throat, like he wasn't loud enough already. "Hey everyone, guess what I walked in on the first night I-"

"Tony. How about you explain how this whole voting thing is going to work?" Steve stepped in, you appreciated it, giving Sam a shrug, just to annoy him more.

"Sure. You either say yes or no, we're going to be doing it secretly so there's no way the person who can read our minds will ever know who voted what. It has to be a full house of yes votes for Y/N to stay. You all got it?" Everyone nodded, it was time for them to start the vote.

* * *

You and Steve couldn't decided whether he should vote to have you kicked off or if you should leave on your own accord. If you left by your own volition, you could always come back if you don't die. That was what Steve had convinced you into thinking anyway.

It was your job to look through the votes, some had even written little notes or drew something nice on their little card. Everyone wanted you to stay. Things like, _'A yes from me and the Big Guy.'_ or _'Thanks for making me feel less homesick.'_ and the obvious _'You're doing great! Thor x'_ really made it a lot harder to do the next part of your plan.

"So, uh- Everyone wants me to stay." You announce, and people start clapping and cheering for you, making the weight of this decision even worse by the second. "I just wanted to say thank you guys for letting me stay here for the past month, you gave me a good home and made me feel welcome. But-"

"I don't like where this is going." You hear Rhodey say to both Tony and Sam. You laugh.

"Neither do I Rhodey." You inhale as much as you possibly can, knowing that time is running out, but also making sure Steve had briefed Bucky fully before continuing. "I gotta go."

"You what?" Peter was the first to react, pretty confused to say the least.  
"Why? You are perfect here." Wanda starts the protest.  
"This doesn't seem right." Vision announced, his calculations failing him.  
"Somethings...off." Tony was lost for words for the first time, that was what was off.  
"Well, didn't see that one coming." Clint shrugs, Scott agreed.  
"Are you in trouble?" Natasha was too good at this.  
"Let her go." Loki's voice was monotone, he didn't really want to say it, but he knew what was at stake.  
"Really?" Thor turned to Loki.

"Yeah." Steve stepped up, he was a little behind the pack, still standing with Bucky. "If she wants to leave, we can't stop her. How about you let me take her wherever she wants to go in one of the Quinjets? If that's what the Goddess wants."

You weren't allowed to reply, understandably, Sam had some choice words to say instead.

"Y/N. This aint right. I don't know what you said to Cap but I know damn well that man should be protesting with us too." He looks towards Steve, you've never seen him so riled up before. It probably wasn't a good idea for him to look over there though. "And you, lover boy. I thought even the quiet one of the bunch would have something to say on this, since you're up here more than anyone else. I thought I'd built up a good friendship with you!" The crowd were surprisingly silent, but the suggestive looks about the ' _lover boy_ ' part were there all the same. Sam's tone had become weak, you knew you had gotten too close to him, you really did think he was a good friend. He turns to you, only to say, "What the hell is going on man?"

After that, he walked into his lab.

"Take the jet, Steve." Rhodey stepped forward, nobody else really could say anything more. "It was nice knowing you, Dr. Y/L/N."

You nod, you hoped that was the hardest part of your plan over.

That hurt.

* * *

"You wanna talk about it?" Steve said, not even five minutes into the journey, he was sure to put the jet in stealth mode, just in case.

"Nope." You shrug, laying down in the back, checking in on your people every now and then to see how close they are.

"I wasn't talking to you." Steve deflects, "Why you up there so much Buck? Does she make you feel like it's the 40's again?"

Bucky couldn't help but laugh, you imagine this is the only person he really has that type of banter with. "We're friends, Steve. I'm allowed to have more than one."

"Yeah you always had more than one back in the day-"

"Alright boys that's enough." You shout as you see Bucky punch Steve in the arm. Steve had gone into uncontrollable giggling, it was actually quite amusing.

* * *

Wakanda was such a beautiful place. Better than the other parts of this world you had been too for sure.

The three of you were welcomed by several female warriors, part of the Dora Milaje. They made way for you, revealing the Princess you was here to see.

"Welcome! I hope you all had a safe trip here, I presume we need to take this up to my lab? We have work to do." She smiled so brightly, it was so refreshing to see someone so happy. "White Wolf, I have a new design for your arm if you would like and also, the goats are out on the usual field if you would like to go visit them."

Bucky nods and heads to the field immediately, you're guessing that's why he had Shuri's number, he has spoken to you about being constantly updated on the goats health since he had left Wakanda. After Bucky was out of sight, you followed Steve and Shuri into her lab.

"So, what is it you need me to do? Captain says it's important."

"I'll keep it quick, I don't know how much time I have left."


	9. Chapter 9

"I can do it, but it's going to take time." Shuri's voice was low, you had not spoke of the threat you were facing aloud; you didn't want Steve to get involved. Instead, you had decided to transfer her memories of your past, highlighting the weapons they had and what they can do whilst continuing a normal conversation for Steve to listen in on, Shuri caught on remarkably quick, you could see a plan in her mind already, and it was much better than you had ever imagined.

You check on your people once more before answering. "I can give you 48 hours, any more and we could risk-" You catch yourself, remembering Steve was still present, _'Them coming to Wakanda.'_ ultimately translated to "-the Avengers finding me."

Not a good save, really.

"Why would that be a risk?" Steve seemed on the defensive, you scrunch your nose up at your obvious mess-up, trying to tear the tension away from a grinning Shuri.

"Well, I didn't really leave on good terms with Sam, the more they sit and think about it the angrier they'll get too." You feel your heart slump a little, followed by your whole body. "Maybe it's for the best that I never see any of the Avengers again."

You didn't want to accept the truth that never going back was a part of your plan, but it always was, and it always had to be.

"If that's what you think is best." Steve seemed to regain his composure quicker than you did, "Bucky and I will have to leave soon, or else they will come and find you."

"Let them try." Shuri scoffed, only Steve and Bucky were aware of Wakanda's true location.

"You're right, Steve." As you had learned from earlier that day, you were terrible at goodbyes. "Uh- I guess, this is it then. Thank you for trusting in me."

Your tone made it obvious enough that it was then his time to leave, but he just stood there instead. Was it rude to usher someone out? You didn't really know what else to say, your brain was working overtime and still your words failed you. Luckily, Steve didn't leave you panicking for too long.

"Don't you think someone else deserves a goodbye too?" His face was soft, but as soon as those words left his mouth the room felt tense.  
"But I only just met Shuri." You tried to joke, but you didn't cut the tension in the slightest.  
"You know who I'm talking about, and I think you need to say goodbye."  
"Fine." You sigh, you knew you had to, but you were beyond nervous. Again, you thought you may have overstepped the 'easy-goodbye' line with Bucky too, you were worried that this one was going to be harder than listening to Sam. You make you way towards the door, tracking Bucky in your mind as you did so, "But for the record, I hate this."

* * *

You looked over the outstretch of field, seeing a small outline of a man near the bottom of a hill, this was it.

Naturally, you teleported, you're usually against unnecessary uses of your talents but that walk was just tedious to say the least. It frightened Bucky, his head snapped round to face you as soon as he heard your feet hit the floor; he relaxed once he saw it was you.

"Steve thinks you'll have to head back out soon." You start, wishing you had pre-planned these goodbye speeches as the growing silence kills you. "And this is my stop so-" You really wished you had planned these stupid speeches. Bucky turned his whole body to face you, which made the whole situation worse. "-I guess this is it." All you could see was the outline of him, and all you wanted to do was hug him and apologise. "Thank you for taking care of me, and-" Every single break you took made it harder for you to breathe, you didn't really know why, "-and I'm sorry for doing this to you-", and as you shake off the weird symptoms you were facing, you focus back on the task at hand, "but now I have to go, and I'm probably never coming back."

With a quick heel turn, you turn to leave, your plan was to walk back, so you could get your plan together as you walked. You didn't get as far as a few steps before you were stopped. Willingly stopped, obviously, if you really wanted to leave, it wouldn't have been difficult. Bucky had only tapped your hand slightly to get your attention.

"Can I say something?" He seemed a little frantic, his hair was mostly pushed back into a bun but several pieces had been missed out, he was looking around the field, willing himself to keep talking. "Is this all real?" His confusion was masking his hurt. "I mean, Steve didn't tell me much and- I just don't understand. I thought I- I thought we meant something to you, and you meant something to us and-" He forced himself to look at you, which was when you could tell this was more difficult for him than it was you. "Is this how it ends?"

You wanted to stay optimistic- maybe your plan will work, maybe you won't die or be captured by your people, maybe the Avengers will understand, maybe you could live back in the compound, maybe Sam would accept an apology, maybe you could see Bucky again- but you knew it wouldn't be fair to let someone hold onto false hope, just like you were doing. The staring only becomes more intense as you will yourself to answer his question; trying not to show how much it hurts you to have to do this to Bucky. You were aware that time was running out, so with one deep breath in, you stifle out a "Goodbye, Bucky."

Almost choking on your own words, you really did have to leave the situation before you made it worse. Luckily, Captain America is always on time.

"You both said what needs to be said?" He broke the bubble you and Bucky constantly find yourselves in, continuing before Bucky can object. "We really need to go, Buck."

He left without making a sound, and without looking back. You guess you could count Bucky as being mad at you too. Teleporting back to Shuri seemed preferable after that blow, which left you feeling winded for the rest of the night.

"Damn. Rough Day?" Shuri asks as you teleport back into the room. "I thought people only use magic like that when required."

She was right, you hated it, but what did it matter anymore. You slumped onto one of the chairs, feeling wildly overdramatic, you never showed any physical modification in movement or facial expression when faced with emotions. Until now.

"We can talk about something else. I saw this hilarious video you might like." Shuri rolled one of her beads into her palm, showing you a small hologram of a short video. The video starts with Captain America, in what you believed to be his original suit, walking in and sitting on a chair and proceeding to start with _'So your body's changing..."_

Shuri was right, pretty hilarious. You wondered why she had not shown you this whilst Steve was here, surely that would have been much more entertaining.

And that was it, the worst day of your life on Earth was over, and it ended with a meme.

* * *

After 24 hours, Shuri already had prototypes of the defences you needed. A productive start meant that you had time to practice with them once they were completed, and you needed all the practice you could get. Constant surveillance on your people was set up, you conveyed your view of it into a hologram for others to watch over when you were busy trying to convince yourself your plan would actually work.

"It is unusual that you were once held as a slave for these people, Y/N." You hear a calming, yet authoritative voice fill the room. King T'Challa, standing by the hologram, had gotten word of the project and had wanted to help, Shuri said it was in his nature to help people, that or he wanted to impress his girlfriend. "You are much stronger than them, surely your abilities are unmatchable."

"By the time I understood my abilities, they had created technology that allowed them to become immune to me entering their mind. They couldn't stop me from creating illusions, using telekinesis or teleporting, but their technology was too powerful for my mind to manoeuvre around. I was 7 when they first put those chains on me. I was 315 years old when I escaped." It was all new to you, being so open about your past, after not telling anybody for so many years. Given the circumstances, you had to come clean.

"And now you are... how many years old?" Shuri enquired from across the room, with her ever-present playful tone, it was refreshing to be around someone who constantly lightened the mood.

"Classified information." You chuckle as she groans louder than she did the previous time she had asked.

"Do you not think that you have evolved? Maybe you could do it this time." T'Challa made a fair point, but you needed to take every precaution necessary. You hadn't seen your people in so long that you were unsure whether you were prepared for a family reunion.

"Maybe." You whisper, ultimately pulling you into a sea of more and more outcomes of the coming conflict.

You take a walk over to the hologram, to get the feeling as if you were facing them again for the first time. It felt right. It felt like everything you had done since leaving was all meant to circle you back to this moment. You felt empowered, and you were going to defeat them. Too much was at stake for you to lose.

This was it.

"Shuri how long until completion?" Your voice was completely deadpan, you were to focussed on what was before you, and what you had to do next.  
"3 hours."  
"Fantastic, there's something I need to do."

You close your eyes for a second, just to compose yourself, shaking off any suppressed nerves you had. You take a step closer to the hologram, locating the person you needed to find, looking him dead in the eye before continuing. Picturing their mind, you travel across space to find his inner thoughts floating across this universe, still far away enough for them to not be equipped with their technology.

 _"Remember me?"  
_ "Who's there?"  
 _"Shhh- Inside voices, we don't want to alert the whole ship now do we?"  
"Y/N. How nice of you to join us."  
"The displeasure is all mine."  
"Good, because when we get out hands on you I swear to you-"  
"That's enough smalltalk for today. Now listen carefully, I know where you are, and I know you're here for me."_ You had to continue stalling, allowing them to track your co-ordinates on Earth. You may have altered their view of your co-ordinates though, leading them to an area of open field with no civilians in the way, well away from Wakanda. _"You're not going to get me though. You'll never be able to find me. My powers have grown too strong for you to uncover my whereabouts, all your ships screens are blank, finding nothing but your pilots asses being handed back to them. I've escaped you for this long, why did you think this time would be any different?"  
"Oh naïve child, you were always an arrogant one. Constantly showing another act of rebellion, even when stripped and chained to a rock, even when I took my favourite spear, and I watched your hope drain from you. Overconfidence will get you killed. Or even better, overconfidence will being you back home."  
"Try me."_

Now you were on the clock.


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure this will work?" You held Shuri's creation in your hand, running out of time.  
"Yes, but-"  
"Perfect. Thank you, for all your help."

* * *

 _5 years old. Unaware. Confused. Your family? Gone, you don't know where. It didn't seem to matter. After they left, you were told to never think of them again, that you were unloved and that's why you ended up where you were. It made sense, the way the elders said it. They always told you that you were different, that their distain for you was under your nose the whole time, that you weren't a creature worthy of such a loving family. Their rejection, staring at you, right in the face, ever since the beginning. You tried your best to never think of them after the day they left you. Why would you? They left you. That was the end of the narrative for your parents; they couldn't even manage for 5 years before they couldn't stand having you anymore. The elders understood, they would tell you this every time you missed your parents. Those few years with the elders, before you got stuck on that rock, were some of the only enjoyable memories you have from your childhood. They let you use your powers whenever you wanted, encouraged it, even. Apparently your parents never let you do such things like that, they were supposedly disgusted by your powers. They didn't want a child that wasn't like them. More powerful. Different. A freak. Dangerous._ _Someone who didn't deserve to be loved. Your only purpose was to be feared. To be a weapon, of sorts. And how could any moral man kill a young 5 year old girl? They couldn't. So you would always win, and they would always die at your hand._

 _You never realised what you were being forced to do when you was young. You were taught that this was the only way to survive, and that your soul purpose was to kill, and that you would be rewarded if you did. That was the only reason it was enjoyable, the rewards, the feeling of doing something right for people who you thought cared for you. It was all just a lie in the end. Sure, your parents abandoned you and you were probably unloved by them, but you were never meant to be a weapon of war. It took you 10 years to realise how easily your young mind had been manipulated. Then, on your 15th birthday, you were taken away by people who weren't affected by your powers, and you were beaten until you fell unconscious. Honestly, you put up a good fight for a 15 year old, it took them way longer than expected to get you up on that rock._

 _But, once they got you there, the rest was history._

* * *

"Y/N." Shuri seemed concerned, she had faith in her technology, but after seeing the people who were after you, she had worried that a measly piece of technology would not be enough to stop everybody. "Are you sure about this?"

* * *

 _"Are you sure about this?" You asked before you left, the spear still wedged in your hip."You could be killed for this, or worse."_

 _"Don't you worry about me child," You were pretty sure you was older than the person who helped you, but it wasn't the time to correct them, it was the time to run. "I've served my purpose in life, now you need to go and live yours." They nodded, handing you access to their ship, and staying behind to fight off the oncoming crowd. "Now you've got two options, take out the speer, run fast and let the ship take you to the assigned coordinates. Or-"_

 _You could see your people approaching in the distance, your chains were rigged to let them know of any interference, but you were left on the outskirts of your land, so you still had a head start, and you needed it. You grabbed the speer with both hands and pulled as hard as you could, it wasn't enough, your skin had healed around the weapon. You couldn't give up though, you bit down on your lip, tugged a few times more until it came free and you ran, feeling the warmth of your own blood pouring from your hip and you lip, you were losing blood at an alarming rate and you knew it._

 _You couldn't feel your feet, having not stood on them for over 300 years really did have you out of practice. You were constantly falling over yourself, sheer desperation not to fall over was the only thing keeping you upright. Adrenaline carried you, since you were so fatigued that your powers couldn't help you. The only sounds you could hear were your own breath and the cracking of your feet. Presumably broken; broken bones had no affect on you anymore. You collapsed onto the ship, not turning back until you were airborne. You wished you hadn't. turned back at all. It was the only glance you took before the loss of blood was too much for you to bare. The kind man, surrounded, defeated. But that didn't stop your people making a mockery of his lifeless body. Laughing, Spitting, Chanting, Stabbing and Kicking. You hoped for his sake, that he was dead already._

 _That was the last time you allowed someone to die for you.  
_ _That was the last time you rendered yourself so weak that you couldn't use your powers.  
_ _That was the last time you would ever set foot on that god-forsaken planet._

 _It wasn't his fight to lose. You should've done so much more to protect him._

* * *

"No, but I know it's what I have to do." You shrug, there wasn't time to question your plans now.

* * *

 _Frigga was the first person you encountered on Asgard. Well, the first one who saw you underneath your concealed identity. She looked like a fierce woman, you expected her to kill you where you stood, for sneaking into Asgard, lying about your identity, stealing- well, you weren't sure if she knew about that part._

 _You had no choice but to arrive in Asgard, your ship was ruined and you were running out of options. You were now more in control of your powers, so slipping past Heimdall was pretty easy, but Frigga was just too intimidating for you to lie to, you practically outed yourself to her as soon as she asked your name. It was your plan to fix your ship, or maybe steal an Asgardian one, and then head straight back out, those plans soon changed._

 _"I see something in you, sorcerer. You're much too powerful to be acting as a commoner." She addressed you, her presence alone demanded your upmost respect._ _  
_

 _"I'm exactly where I should be, Your Highness." You correct her, quickly explaining yourself to avoid her disapproving stare. "I've seen it on many planets, in several universes: when the powerful gain some sense of control over others, they're quick to abuse it, no matter who they are." You shudder slightly, thinking back to the times on your own planet, thinking of the other planets you ended up on, and how the neediest of people were treated. You could never decipher how a being could believe that they were somehow allowed to treat certain people poorly. Unless, like you once were, they were all manipulated by someone who held something over you._

 _"Very well." She smiled from ear to ear, somehow you had passed a test you didn't know you had participated in. "Continue hiding from Odin, he doesn't do so well with outsiders outsmarting him. But I request to see you again soon, we shall work on your abilities, and when the time is right, you can help my son with his." There was no opportunity for you to turn down her request, you really didn't feel the need to meet her son, but you were certain that saying no to Frigga was a terrible idea._

* * *

"Maybe we should call-"  
"It's not their fight." It was your fight, and if anybody has to die for it, it had to be you this time. Only this time, it might not be such a one-sided battle.

* * *

 _"How did you bypass me upon your first arrival, Y/N?" Heimdall enquired, you were often invited to, what they liked to call, 'private meetings' with him and Frigga.  
"Well, I'm not of this universe, so it might be possible that you were unable to see me straight away." You started, trying to soften the blow before telling him how easy it actually was to enter Asgard. You eventually stopped your babbling as Frigga gave you that look that made you feel obliged to tell the absolute truth."I felt someone watching me as I entered Asgard and- I don't know- I guess I just switched it off, moved the eyes somewhere else until I landed and had disguised myself. I got rid of the ship from your sights, too."  
"Do you know exactly how you did it?" Frigga seemed interested, and you felt guilty for having to let her down, you had no idea how you had done it. The elders encouraged you to use your mind, but they never told you what you was doing, and they were definitely not interested in how you did it. "We shall work on that next week."  
"You might possibly be the strongest person on Asgard right now, Miss. Y/L/N." Heimdall's voice was mellow, but he was as surprised as everyone else at the table. He seemed to speak in this tone in case Frigga was to disagree, and defend her husband. However, she took an entirely different perspective than expected.  
"I believe that's Goddess Y/L/N." Frigga sipped her tea, letting you and Heimdell sit in slight shock for a minute. "If she is more powerful than Odin, which I believe may be true, she is most definitely a Goddess." She positioned herself to look you dead in the eyes, "And don't let anybody ever take your title away from you." _

_Again, you weren't about to go against Frigga's wishes. It felt silly to call yourself a Goddess at first, it was hard to believe you was anything special._

 _"Speaking of Odin, you wouldn't believe what he tried to do yesterday..." Frigga started, quickly bringing the 'meeting' back to it's true purpose. You loved these meetings._

* * *

"It's been an honour, Your Highness. I hope to see you again someday."

Heading out of the door, you had 3 hours to get to the coordinates you had sent your people and prepare it for what was about to happen.

"Don't die Y/N! I have many more videos to show you when you come back!" Shuri shouted after you, you wondered if she had educated Bucky on all of these videos too.

"Well, now I have to come back." You yelled back, in the hope that it was ease her worrying. "Have fun pranking your brother."

You teleport away after that, with nothing but a small vibranium device in your pocket, and a whole lot of butterflies in your stomach.

Examining the terrain, you move a few loose rocks and branches out of the way with a swift movement of your eyes. It seemed a little comical to be having the biggest confrontation of your lifetime on a field, it's like you wanted to lose. Nowhere to hide. Nothing to use as a weapon. No back up. You were an open target, and that's exactly what you needed to be. You look around, thinking about how they might play it. Surround you, some sort of manipulation, it was just as likely that they would try to break you emotionally than they would physically. Maybe they would succeed, but even if they did, it wasn't going to be easy for them. People were going to die. You knew that. You were content with that. You had to be.

The clock was ticking, and with every second, you felt yourself coming into your own. You could do this. If not for yourself, then for the kind gentleman whose name you never learned. If not for yourself, for Frigga, and the strength she pulled out from inside you.  
For Loki, someone you saw a lot of yourself in.  
For Sam, who you aspired to become.  
For Shuri, to prove to her that her abilities save peoples lives.  
For Bucky, because there was so much left to learn about him.

And if not, you had sufficiently pushed them away far enough for it to not matter anyway.

* * *

 _Authors Note:_

 _Fancy seeing you all again! Sorry for this filler-type chapter but I think it gives some important information to your character and why they react in certain ways to different situations. I'm aware of several spelling errors in previous chapters (and lets be honest, this chapter too), I will get round to sorting them eventually I promise! I've just started my first year in University so I'm a little all over the place at the minute. Let me know what you're thinking about the story so far I promise I don't bite I just need motivation to continue sometimes! I aim to post a chapter every week but I have some assignments and whatnot due so I hope you all don't mind waiting a little longer :). Hope you all continue reading, I'd love to hear from you! thanks X_


	11. Chapter 11

You had to put on your strongest face first when it came to your people. You had tried out many persona in your lifetime, so all you had to do was figure out which one made you feel the most powerful. Scanning through them all at an impressive speed, you landed on your answer. It was so obvious.

 _Don't let anybody ever take that title away from you._

You never did. Frigga gave you your title, and she gave you the strength to be yourself. That had to be your strongest self. If you alone wasn't good enough now, it never would be. So it was settled, you just has to show them who you had become, and hope they realised they ruined the wrong persons childhood.

Either way, you was ready for this confrontation. Not only had you prepared yourself enough, but you were also bored as hell waiting for them to arrive.

* * *

By the time your people had arrived, you were sat in the very centre of the field, the loose grains of dirt swirling around your body. You could feel them surrounding you, from a reasonable distance. You let them all get into position, it wouldn't make a difference to your plan either way.

Once surrounded, you felt Him gesture for your people to start closing in, that's when the dirt stopped in its place, the people followed suit.

"You're late." You announce as your rise to your feet, "20 minutes late. What didn't I factor in? Space traffic?"

"I'm pleased to announce we have a muzzle for you this time, Y/N." He spoke, it was disgusting, everything about Him made your skin crawl. But now wasn't the time to show Him that, now was the time to show Him you.  
"I'm pleased to announce you can keep it, maybe try it out yourself sometime."  
"I see you've grown an attitude since I let you go. Tell me child. How is your hip?"  
"How's yours old man? Surely your death is almost upon us." With every insult you heard the crowd throw more insults, you didn't care though, it felt good. That, and it helped you realise something very important. "Yeah, that's right. You're going to die soon. And all you've done for the latter years of your life is search for me, just so you can watch me leave again. At least if I die here, I did something with my life."  
"Ah. You're not going to die here. You're going to come back with us. Willingly."

It seemed like they were going to try and break you down emotionally first, you knew it was going to happen either way, but you was still unprepared. He was ready to fight though, or else He wouldn't have made everybody wear those stupid helmets.

"I'd like to see you try." You gave them your best self, not backing down from what could have been an empty threat.

It wasn't.

* * *

"Remember the day you left us?" He started, you rolled your eyes in response, it seemed like too obvious of a start. "Did I ever show you what became of that man?"

"Let me think, no. Since I haven't seen you since." Sarcasm was always a good card to start with.

 _A hologram was brought into your view, the mans kind face, broken, in so many places. Physically, he would never had been the same again, but you guessed that didn't matter, he died. The hologram was nothing short of... weird. It showed you exactly what he had promised, the consequences of that poor mans kindness. He was skinned, you had never seen that before, but it wasn't enough to make you squirm; you had been trained to kill from a young age. The next part though, it was unnatural, even for your people. He was consumed, his bones made into weapons, his skin hung on the wall like a trophy. It wasn't right. None of this was right. But that wasn't the point right now._

"So... What? You show me a poorly made montage video and expect me to get back on that ship?" You shrugged, they had to do better than that. Honestly, you felt a little offended that they weren't trying enough, you considered just starting your plan now.

* * *

"How about your parents?" He snarled, whatever He had up His sleeve this time was His power move, you could tell. The way He dragged out the sentence, His smug look and the muffled laughter from the other 3,000 people- you were a small population- you readied yourself.

"What about them? They left me-"  
"No." You were confused, but you continued.  
"At the age of 5, because they didn't love-"  
"No."  
"Me. I was sent to-"  
"No." You swore if He continued you was going to make His death even more painful than you had planned.  
"The elders. I was trained to kill from the age of 5, to forget about my parents, and I killed random people for 10 years before you decided a different fate for me."  
"No-"

You snapped. Nobody tells you no that many times. How could your childhood be wrong? It was about time He knew who He was talking to. You let the dirt fly towards the first line of defence surrounding you, you had collected enough dirt in your waiting time for it to make an impact. The helmets protected their minds, they couldn't do anything about you throwing things at them.

"Quite the temper. Y/N."  
"That's Goddess of the Mind to you, asshole."  
He scoffed, "Goddess? You're delusional, child."  
"How about you take that helmet off and we find out?" You were angry, and you were ready.  
"Not until I've shown you what you missed."

 _5 years old. Unaware. Innocent. Loved. Your family? Right beside you, always. They were hardworking and they were happy, and so were you. They were aware you had powers, they let you practise in the house, but they feared the 'bad people' would take you away if you practised outside. In the end, it didn't matter. You was taken away from them anyway. Taken. The first and the second 'No' answered. They loved you very much, they tried to fight for you but it was you who told them not to. You didn't want them to die because of you. So you went willingly. 'No' number 3, solved. Upon arrival to the elders, they gave you a drink and sat you down, told you to sip every time they told you a new piece of information. 'Your parents never loved you.' Sip. 'You weren't worthy enough for love.' Sip. 'You were never able to use your powers until now.' Sip. 'Don't think about your parents.' Sip. 'You are a weapon.' Sip. 'You are made to kill.' Sip. 'You will kill.' Sip. You were out of liquid, but they had given you enough to get you started. Your first order, to kill the two people they had pushed into the room. The people were not struggling, despite being blindfolded and gagged. Looking back, they seemed familiar, but at the time, you had no idea. It didn't seem like you, to kill, after seeing your childhood, you knew what was coming but you still hoped you didn't do it. The elders talked you through how to use your powers to kill them as you went along, and as you watched, helpless and unable to turn back the time, you realise who those faces were behind the masks. And you watch yourself kill them. 'No' number 4, you didn't just kill random people._

* * *

He was right to leave that part for last, it broke you, but it wasn't like it showed on your face. You let out a faint 'No.' and reset your face back to neutral, you still had a war to win. Your face was back in the game, but your body failed you. It was tired, it was weak, it hadn't had sleep for so long- it stayed up all the time wondering what could have been of your childhood, and it turned out that you was the one who ruined your own life. Your knees were buckling, but you remained enough strength to ease yourself down to your knees.

"Alright, enough fun. Get her." He gestured, and they ran towards you. Your whole community wanting you to be punished. Hadn't you suffered enough? Apparently not. It didn't matter though, you killed your parents, you killed the man who tried to save you, you deserved this. That, and they played right into your hand.

See, the dirt was a distraction, so you could set up your present from Shuri on the ground with plenty of time to spare. You just had to wait for all 3000 of them to get into range, which they did, as soon as you seemed weak. So all you had to do was press a button in 3...2..

One.

You pressed the button and shot back up to your feet, seeing the lights malfunction on their ridiculous helmets, without them even realising. It was time to put that trained killing to use. You knew that killing them all at once would might leave you too weak to fight Him afterwards.

500 people at a time seemed reasonable, after all, they had formed circles around you, with around that many in each row. It's almost like you knew what they were going to do. Almost like you had been keeping an eye on them for days.

In total, you only had to physically fight around 10 of your people, whilst He just watched. The others didn't get close enough before you started shutting down their brain function. One of your most ruthless powers. Luckily, the people you fought were still using the same fight style that you had witnessed before you had left the planet, it was pretty easy for you so far.

He let you have a moment after you had killed them all, presumably to show you that you were born a killer. That everything the elders said was true. He wanted you to mentally torture yourself and you knew it. But as you looked around, you saw people who had fought for him, that weren't even old enough to have seen your torture on that land. They were just fighting because they were told to, and from your experience of your home, they probably didn't have much choice in the matter. You felt a tremendous amount of guilt. Not just about those, but the man who saved you, your parents, the other people you killed- probably other innocent people.

It wasn't their fight to lose.

"If you're not going to come willingly, I'll just have to get you myself." He sighed, revealing His speer. The speer. It had been sharpened especially for that moment, you could tell. He took his helmet off, he knew there was no use for it. Of course, it now meant you were definitely going to get in a few head shots in this fight.

You let him come to you, you were in no rush, and apparently neither was he, since he took his sweet time walking over to you.

* * *

"You know, this wasn't how I planned for it to happen. But I'm glad I get to drag you back." When He was only a few feet away, He started to talk again, to your displeasure. He knew those people you had just killed, and He cared less than you did. It made you sick that He had this fake authority and He abused he had abused it for over a century.

"Shut up." You spat. You was sick of Him. And you were terrified. You stared at the speer, knowing its history, and hoping it never came near you again.

"Very well-" He started.  
"Hey! Guys! The ones that aren't dead. Can you help me? I'm lost." You hear a voice, you knew that voice, and you really didn't need this right now.  
"Oh don't worry, I know the way out." Another voice shouted, from another direction. You wanted to confirm your suspicions but you had to focus.  
"Are you sure? You're the reason we're lost in the first place!" Another shouted. You had to admit, it was a good distraction.  
"You guys, I think its that way." The fourth yelled. This was getting ridiculous, and it was really unnecessary.

It's only at that moment where you hear the Quinjet lower behind you, probably trying to get a clean shot on Him. That's not how it was going down. It wasn't their fight, you didn't want anybody to get hurt.

He had figured you knew who the people were. "Very clever." He laughed, everything He said was patronising.

"Oh, then you're going to love this move." You drop to the ground and grab your contraption, and flip the switch. It encompasses you and Him inside, leaving the Avengers on the outside. Whilst he watched the barricade form, you took a quick peek around. Sam. Loki. Nat. Bucky. Bruce and Clint in the Quinjet. More specifically, Bruce in the Quinjet, Clint perched on top to get a good shot. You heard the protests from outside the barricade, but you had asked Shuri to reverse her technology, so they could see in, but you couldn't see out. "Okay. It's you and me. No powers. Keep your stick if you need it that badly."

Playing your game, He tossed the speer to the side and prepared himself for a fist fight.

On paper, you was definitely going to lose this fight. He was taller, stronger, more muscular, could reach further and you was certain he had a dagger in his belt. You never was one for statistics, you was going to win this fight. Why? He made you believe you were made to kill, and for 5 minutes, you were going to allow yourself to believe it.

* * *

You knew not to hit first, so you waited for Him to take the lead. A wild swing, you ducked, retaliating with a left hook of your own, followed by a roundhouse kick. Not enough to knock His balance, but enough for Him to realise that it wasn't going to be easy.

It was a pretty even fight, he hit harder than you did, but you had gotten more hits in. Neither of you showed signs of slowing down any time soon. You were leading him away from the speer with every hit. With another hit, and a dropkick to the legs, he finally fell to the floor. That's the thing with tall people, their legs betray them so easily.

"Wooo! Go Y/N!" You hear from outside, Clint. You could help but lose focus and laugh, it was so unexpected.

You were also not expecting Him to throw you from one side of the barricade to the other, but that was the price you paid for the distraction. The barricade stung like hell, anything more than a slight touch on it would surely kill someone, or at least seriously injure. You laughed.

Correction, you howled.

Dragging your momentarily-burned body off of the floor, you could control yourself. It much have been seriously unnerving for Him. He didn't move, He just watched you. You had to drag it out though, you continued, on all fours, giving your laugh all you had, sitting back on your knees. You had near enough healed again. You don't know why He waited until you had, but he charged after you afterwards. You were still cackling.

He was aiming for a kick to the head, by the looks of it. He never got close enough though. You grabbed the speer with both hands and forced it into His gut, running Him to the other side of the barricade. He was slowly burning, with no way to turn. And it felt so right. He had to die that way. That speer. That feeling of having nowhere to go. As He cried out, you screamed at Him, drowning His sorrow with your own emotional pain. You didn't know if you felt relieved or if you were left with more baggage, you just didn't know. But you were tired, and as He stopped His screaming, you knew there was no more running anymore. So you stopped your screaming too.

You could finally rest.

"I think he's a little on the burnt side." Sam broke the silence after a couple minutes of you keeping Him pinned up against the barricade, you had to make sure He was truly dead. You let him drop as Sam spoke, speer first.

"You're right." You say, trying to turn so you were facing Sam, but struggling. "Forgive me?"

"It depends. Do I have to clean this up?" He joked, which you took as an accepted apology.

Walking towards the contraption, you continue talking, trying to will yourself to stay awake. "You know, this wasn't your fight guys. You didn't have to do that."

"We wanted to. I- uh-" You listened to Bucky stammer whilst turning the device off. "We like having you around." He finally said as you looked him in the eye. And it lifted a weight from your shoulders, knowing that the Avengers wanted you to stay with them, knowing that the Avengers weren't made at you for not telling them the whole truth, knowing that you were going to get to know the Avengers more, spending late nights talking to the Avengers...

Yeah. The Avengers. All of them.

You mind was drifting, you hadn't moved since turning the machine off.

"Hey, you all go ahead, I think I'm going to-" You lay down and get as comfortable as you can on the ground. It had been 1585 years, you weren't going to complain about the location you had to sleep in.


	12. Chapter 12

You were in a different place, a place much more comfortable than the ground. You could feel several bandages around your body, they probably weren't needed anymore, but it indicated that you were in a good place.

"Y/N's health is perfect, but she did tell us once she hasn't slept in a long time." Bruce.  
No response.  
"If you want to sleep, I can get FRIDAY to notify you as soon as she wakes." Tony.  
No response.  
"She's going to be okay." Steve.  
No response.  
"Well, I don't know about you but it's 3am-" Sam. Definitely Sam.  
No response.

Were they talking to each other? Were you subconsciously mind-reading? Cool.

You hear everybody shuffle out of the room, so naturally, you begin to open your eyes and see why you had so many bandages covering you. One around your hip, which was a given and several on your arms and legs, from the barricade maybe? That burned so badly, you remembered that. You took them off one by one, until you only had one left on your hip.

You sighed heavily, you really didn't want to sit up.

"Do you need any help?"  
"So you're the one they were talking to. I thought they were all simultaneously going mad... like some sort of mass hysteria." You were rambling. "Yes please."

Bucky Barnes, it felt like you was seeing him for the first time all over again, but in a different light. A better light. He seemed stressed, his hair was tied back and his head hung a little lower than usual; his eyes weren't just full of scared and guilty anymore, there was something else there, you didn't know what it was yet.

He pushed the button on the side of the bed to help you sit up, you only had to shuffle upright and lift your vest a little to find the end of the bandage. You was about to remove it before you felt Buckys hand softly place itself on top of your own, he gave you one of those smiles where his eyes squinted more than they usually do. His hand slid over your own and towards the bandage, and for a couple of minutes, you were immersed in silence, with Bucky stood over you- focussed on being as gentle as possible, and in turn, you were concentrating on Bucky. Was it weird that you didn't want the silence to the end?

After he removed the bandage, he left his fingers stretch across your scar, just like he did before, focussing completely on that one spot. You let him for a minute or two, before reaching out to his chin, turning it lightly to face you.

"Hey." You smiled, which turned into a full grin, not really knowing what to say but wanting to speak to him.

"I thought you were dead." He responded with a tight jaw, it was painful to hear, his voice cracking at the beginning and the end of the sentence.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to kill me." You keep your voice low, trying to reassuring the best you could, moving your hand up to his cheek. "Besides, this isn't how it ends. Between us."

You felt his face relax as he nuzzled ever so slightly into your hand, enough for you to know he felt the same way, but it was tentative enough for you to know you had to work for his trust again.

"Y/N?" Two quiet voices came from the doorway. Shuri and Peter. You had hoped they would meet one day, you never expected it to be under these circumstances. Bucky pulled away and you let you arm go back to its natural resting position.

"It's late guys, why are you awake?" You had never really played the concerned adult type, but there was something about the two talented young minds in front of you that made you that way.

"I just landed." Shuri explained, it would make sense for her to still be awake, with the different time zones and all.  
"I asked FRIDAY to tell me when you were awake." You could hear the worry in Peters voice, he definitely hadn't slept.

You knew you needed to ease their minds, and somehow having to do it in front of Bucky made you so much more nervous. You tried your best anyway. "Hey, I'm okay guys, not a scratch on me." You laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood as best you could. "All thanks to your creation Shuri, you have a brilliant mind."

"Wait you created that?" Peter sounded amazed. "That's so cool!"

"Thanks, we have a science and technology outreach in Oakland, if you're ever around I can show you how I made it." Shuri smiled, it was nice to see how proud she was of her work.

"She really is a smart kid." Bucky mumbled, smiling to himself a little, it seemed he was as proud of her as you was. "How's Okoye?"

"She's still leading the country behind closed doors. I don't know what T'Challa would do without our General. Freeze, probably." You could see how proud she was of her family and the people around her. "How are you White Wolf? How is the love life?"

It made both Peter and Shuri laugh, Bucky pretty much froze, and you couldn't help but blush. You knew they had seen you as they walked into the door, but you weren't expecting to have to address it.

"You don't have to answer, just know we know." Peter chuckled, seemingly satisfied that you were in good health. "Anyway, Shuri, I have the funniest thing to show you."

And with that, they left you and Bucky alone again.

"How long was I out for?" You finally ask, it really should've been one of your first questions.

"A day and half." He was looking down at his hands now, you felt like it had been a rough 48 hours for him. "We didn't know if you would wake up."

"Sleep isn't really my thing, I guess my body can't handle it for long." You had bigger concerns than your own health though, "When was the last time you tried to sleep?"

"That's not-"

"When? Bucky."

"3 days ago." He didn't seem proud of it, and you know it's hard for him to sleep, but he at least needed to rest.

"You should go and do that." You swing your legs around and try to make your way to your feet. "Come on, I'll walk you to your room."

You only offered to walk him to his room because you wanted to know where it was, you really hadn't explored other floors in the compound.

"I don't think you shoul-" Bucky started, before catching you in his arms as you fell, your legs feeling weaker than ever.

You pushed yourself off of Bucky and stood up straight, with some help from your telekinesis, but Bucky didn't have to know that. "I'm good, lets go."

* * *

The walk to the elevator was silent, but with each step it became more comfortable. You couldn't remember the last time you had used the elevator, once you had a picture of your floor engrained in your mind it became easier to teleport. Using your powers for daily tasks were acceptable when Loki wasn't around, which was almost never due to his blossoming relationship you didn't want to seem like a hypocrite.

The elevator was much bigger than you remembered; Bucky wasn't standing too far away from you, it felt like he was miles away. He was contemplating something as he pushed in the number to his floor, you studied him as you leant against the elevator wall, to give your mind a break. He was shaking ever so slightly, the tip of his fingers told you so, his jaw was clenched as it often was- but his eyebrows indicated that it was because he was worried and slightly annoyed, you wondered why for a moment. Was it you? Surely not. Was it sleep in general? What had he been seeing in his dreams? You knew you could find out, but that wouldn't be fair of you.

You must have missed an important observation in Buckys demeanour whilst you thought about his troubles, because you were not expecting him to stop the elevator.

"The emergency stop was pressed. What seems to be the problem?" FRIDAY spoke almost instantly.  
"We're fine, FRIDAY." Bucky politely spoke into the nothingness. "Just need some privacy, it'll only be a few minutes."

"Privacy?" You were not only confused, but a little intrigued.

"You could've died, Y/N." He wiped his hand over his face, like he had not yet processed the information that he had muttered several times. "You could've died and left me here, and I would've blamed myself. It's not the first death I would've been responsible for." You wanted to interrupt him, tell him none of it was his fault, but it somehow didn't seem appropriate. "It's weird how I thought I had found someone I related to, you know, but then you went off and did something so incredibly Steve-like that I don't know if I was just delusional or- or you're just really good at your job because- You were the only person I wanted to talk to on some days, most days. Even Steve becomes a handful when you see the serum didn't change anything about him but his body, but it changed everything about me." He clenched his metal hand so it was audible, to prove how much it took from him. He came closer to you for the next part, looking at you so deep into your eyes you didn't know how far in he could see. "When I was carrying you back, I thought it would be the last time I got to be that close to you. And I know this must be weird for you to hear since we never really said anything to each other about it before but-" He inhaled sharply before continuing. "I need you here. In my life. Y/N."

You didn't know how much you processed of the conversation, but your answer was almost immediate. "I need you too."

You closed the slight gap there was between you by pushing yourself from the wall, placing your hand back on his cheek, where it rested before. His metal arm found your hip whilst the other danced over your free hand and held it softly, pulling it to rest on his chest. It seemed the next natural step was to kiss him, but your nerves stopped you from taking the leap. Luckily, Bucky decided to take the leap for you. Your lips only touched for a second or two, but it was so pure that you knew it was going to be a moment to remember from that very point onwards.

"The elevator has been requested for use, Is it ready to run, ?" FRIDAY announced, at what seemed to be the perfect time.  
"Uh, yeah. Thanks, FRIDAY." Bucky blushed, which was actually really cute. You hadn't seen it this close up before, you were unsure whether you had seen it at all, but you wished you could see it more often. You both awkwardly pulled away from each other before the lift opened, not straying too far away from each other, hoping that the people requesting use weren't on the floor you were heading to.

* * *

 **DING**

"Uh- did we interrupt something?" Peter seemed embarrassed. Not as embarrassed as you and Bucky though, it felt like you were typical Midguardian high school kids who had just played some sort of ridiculous kissing game and now you had a big crush.

"No, young Peter. I was just walking Bucky to his room." You smiled, remembering to restart your telekinesis.

"Good." Shuri joked, "He looks like he hasn't slept since his last cryo-freeze."

"What can I say, everything about Wakanda makes it easier to sleep at night." Bucky laughed and made the attempts to move past the two teenagers, you followed suit.

You had only walked a couple paces before you heard the giggling of the teenagers as the elevator door began to close.

"This is me." Bucky pointed as he came to a holt. You hadn't really thought about what you was going to do next, you didn't want to scare Sam by going to your floor and Banners lab wasn't the homeliest of places.

"Okay." You whisper, only now realising that it was extremely early in the morning. "Have a good rest, or at least try."

You turn to leave, it took you a little longer since you were trying to not show how weak they still were.

"Would you like to stay?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Would you like to stay?"

You wanted to say yes, especially after what had happened in the elevator only minutes before, but you were also aware of the fact that if people see that you're missing from Banners lab in the morning, they will probably think you've ran off again. It wasn't exactly a good move to run off the first time.

"Y/N?" Bucky whispered, making your body feel whole in a way that only he could. You turned back to face him, as slowly as possible to not show the pain you were still going through. He looked nervous, his eyes flittering between your eyes and your lips.

"Of course I'll stay with you." You smiled as Bucky exhaled. "But you have to sleep."

He nods in agreement, you both seemed to have an understanding that you just wanted to be in each others company, nothing more nothing less.

"FRIDAY, if anybody asks where I am tomorrow... cover for me."  
"Sure thing."

* * *

Bucky didn't have very many clothes, he did seem like a man who would pack light, something that probably stuck with him after his time with Hydra. He still found something comfortable for you to change into though, they were obviously gifts from the other Avengers for whatever occasion, he gave you some Captain America shorts and a top that said ' _Shuri is the best._ ' He grabbed himself some shorts too, just to make sure he didn't make you feel uncomfortable.

He let you pick a side of the bed, so you just rolled your way over towards the side next to the wall, you were exhausted and you could tell he was too.  
"Uh, just to let you know, my nightmares-"  
"It's okay, I'm right here." You whispered, settling his nerves.

Bucky may be bigger than you in every way, but everybody likes to be a little spoon every once in a while. You slide your arms ever so slowly around his body, taking care as you memorised every single detail of his skin; one of you legs takes its place between his own and your head rests ever so softly on his back.  
"Are you okay?" You ask, just to make sure you weren't pushing any boundaries. His metal arm comes up to hold one of your own, giving it the slightest squeeze.  
"Yeah. Yeah I'm great."

And with that, you both fell asleep.

* * *

"Rise and shine, lovebirds." Wasn't the sound you wanted to wake up to that morning, or ever really, especially when the person saying it was none other than Tony Stark himself.

You woke up first, and you so wish you hadn't. Tony, Sam, Steve, Natasha and Bruce stood over you, and you were sure you saw at least one phone out taking photos. You looked at them all before dramatically slumping back down into the (very comfortable) position you was in with Bucky before.  
"FRIDAY I thought you said you would cover for me!" You complained in a way you had seen Midguardians on TV shows do before when they had just woken up.

"They didn't ask me." FRIDAY responded, and with that you heard two voices trying not to laugh in the background. _Teenagers._

"Have a nice sleep?" Stark remarked, and even though you had closed your eyes again you knew he was doing that half-smile type thing he always does.  
"You know. I could mind control all of you to forget this and go back to wherever you were supposed to be in the first place. Don't tempt me."  
"So... you're not even going to pretend to be all ' _I can explain!, It's not what it looks like!'_?" Sam asked, whilst still taking the odd photo.  
"Why should I? It's exactly what it looks like, we both just fell asleep after I walked him to his room."  
"Spooning?" Natasha questioned.  
"Holding hands?" Steve added, which is when you noticed his metal hand still locked in yours, yet your instinct wasn't to let go, but to hold on a little tighter.  
"Could you guys... maybe... keep it down." Bucky mumbled into his pillow. Everyone in the room waited for him to realise he had an audience, it took a few seconds before he jolted up. "Uh, Can someone at least pass me a shirt?"

Bruce obliged, grabbing a black long sleeved shirt, it clung to every bit of Bucky's body perfectly. You knew it wasn't an appropriate time to get caught staring at him, since you were already caught in the same bed as him, but really you couldn't help it. You could now see the part of his torso that you had traced over in the night, it had felt so right, surely you couldn't get into trouble for doing what you felt was right.

"Y/N. Mind joining us back here on Earth?" Damn. You got caught staring.  
"Yeah sure. Only if we're talking about something interesting."  
"How about your love life?" Tony starts.  
"How about your health?" Banner adds, "How are you feeling today?"  
"I'm feeling fine, thanks Bruce." You pretend to not have heard Tony's comment, not because you weren't confident in answering the question, just because you wanted to tease him.  
"Oh and, just in case you were wondering, you can have your old job back." Natasha smiled, you had completely forgot that you quit. You were almost certain you weren't going to come back from that fight, you're not entirely sure if you did, mentally.  
"Yeah. Sorry about the secrecy guys."  
"It's fine we get it, big drama from your past it's not like you needed to get everyone involved or whatever, but what I am wanting to get involved in is that fact that nobody yet knows how you ended up in this bed." Tony was talking really quickly, you couldn't tell whether he approved or not, not that there was anything to approve of yet.

Bucky looked at you, knowing that if he took the lead on this one he would mess up.  
"I woke up not long after you all left last night, Bucky was still in the room so I offered to walk him to his room. I was feeling a little weak so he let me stay here. End of story."  
"What about the elevator?" You hear Shuri shout from out in the corridor. You couldn't believe how close you were to using your powers on a kid.  
"The elevator?" The bunch in the room all muttered at once.  
"We just needed a place to talk for a second, we didn't think anyone else was awake so we stopped in the elevator instead so that it didn't wake anybody up." You were a quick thinker. Nobody seemed to believe you, but they were all prepared to take that answer as fact, for now. "So unless there's something really important you need to tell us can we please have some space?"  
"Oh yeah there's a Doctor guy in our compound, he walks through portals and stuff, I think. He was trying to tell us about this big guy we should look out for, but he wanted us to gather everyone first, and since we've already spent too long in here..." You see a portal open up in Buckys room, everyone walked through one by one, until it was just you and Bucky left confused on the bed, for the rest of the Avengers to see.

* * *

The Avengers made you and Bucky sit apart for the whole of Stranges' speech. You were unsure why you even needed to be present when you were the one whole told him what to look out for in the first place. It also seemed very unprofessional of you to be one of the only people present who was still in their pyjamas. It seemed even more unprofessional for those pyjamas not to be your own, not that you owned any anyway.

"So what is it that you do, exactly?" Clint dared to ask Strange, which made you involuntarily laugh.  
"Protect your reality, and the fabric of the Universe and you appear to know it."  
"Ah, sounds like fun." Clint shrugged and sipped his coffee, having no idea what Strange was talking about.  
"Yeah but what's you're superpower?" Scott chimed in, he was just like an excited child who had met another one of his heroes. The more you heard Scott talk the more you realised there could never be any malice behind a word that Scott said.  
"Mystic Arts." Strange answers plainly, before realising he may have to explain more since it was 9am and nobody was impressed. "You know, teleportation via portals, travelling through different dimensions, time control, things like that." A collective _'Ohhhhh'_ was the only response the Avengers seemed to muster up between them.

"So, Stephen, How big do you think the threat is?" You take the lead for the group.  
"I'm unsure, yet. How big do you think the threat is? After all, you are the one who told me about it."  
"You knew about this?" Steve sounded confused.  
"Kind of, the sequence of events made it pretty clear something was coming. So I told this dude because I thought his powers also included being able to track threats to this universe."  
"This dude?" Strange responded, you were surprised that he hadn't already lost it at the fact you called him Stephen.  
"Okay. So does anyone actually know what's going on? Or did I walk in on Bucky and Y/N asleep in the same bed for no reason?" Sam just had to bring it up again, like it wasn't already the elephant in the room.  
"I do." Loki said. It was painful for him to talk about, a time where he was mind controlled and forced to do unspeakable things, you related to that much at least.

* * *

After Loki gave everyone the low-down on this 'Thanos' guy, the group all went to do their own thing for a while, to go process the information. Most people stayed in the same room though, they just spoke to different people. You couldn't help but look for Bucky, but you didn't have to as he was already walking you way.

"I literally just woke up and now we have another problem to worry about?" You sounded selfish, but it was more due to your worry that you weren't going to be strong enough to help the group if they were to act on this threat right away.

Bucky laughed at your comment, knowing the pain you were in only a couple of days ago. "Welcome to the hero life." He shrugged, and he was right, that was just what life was going to be like from now on. Lucky for you, you heal much faster than everyone else. Or you thought you did, but you know still feel the weakness in your body, in your legs, having to carry the rest of your weight. You felt your leg give in from under you for a second, you almost slipped but you grabbed Buckys hand for support. Nobody else seemed to see it, except Bucky, who kept a hold of your hand. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah of course, my body is just tired, I guess." You smiled back at him, and he was willing to drop the issue for the moment, you could tell there was more on his mind.

"About last night," He started, looking down and the hand he was holding. "I- Uh- It was- I mean- I-" His voice was raspy, like he was trying to make sure nobody else could hear him but he still wanted it to be loud enough to feel as though he meant it. He looked back up into your eyes and took a deep breath, "-Thank you."

"For what part?" You raised an eyebrow, teasing him into saying a little more of what he felt out loud.

"Staying with me, holding me..." With every point he made he moved the slightest bit closer, "Making me feel safe, telling me how you feel..." You were holding your breath, you could feel it, but you didn't want to let it go. He excited you, with every little thing he did, for a seemingly quiet guy he really did know the right things to say. And maybe it was inappropriate, but you had been alive so long and this was the first time you had ever felt this way before."The kiss." He finished, looking straight at your lips and having his eyes make their way down your body, squeezing you hand at the end, like he was letting you know when he was finished. You almost couldn't believe it was real. The Bucky Barnes, wanting to look at you like that. You.

"Nothing happened last night my ass." You hear Sam say from across the room. You had completely forgotten that there was a room full of people with you.  
"Nothing happened, Sam." You tilt you head back, to look a little more fed up, and to break the undeniable tension between you and Bucky. You weren't quite ready to let go of his hand though.

"Oh, okay. FRIDAY show us the elevator surveillance from around 3am this morning." Sam commanded.  
"Wait-"


End file.
